Supervisor Wannabe Promises to Combat OC Weekly's Evil Grip on County

PhotobucketYou're forgiven if you haven't already heard the good news about Donald Ritze. He's a helicopter pilot, avocado grower and member of the Orange County Bee Keepers Association who is running against Bill Campbell for OC's third supervisorial district.

According to a section of his website called “My Bios”–which you presumably can find on “The Internets”, Ritze has a wife and kids, 232 avocado trees, and a desultory relationship with spelling and punctuation. “Everyone wants to know what party I belong to? I’m a republican, I’m not a stanch or hard liner,” he explains. “During the upbringing of my sons,” he adds, “I have participated and held many various positions in the community: Little League, PTA, Booster clubs, Little League Baseball, and coaching Baseball five years at El Modena High School.”

Did we forget to mention Little League and baseball?

But more importantly to voters, Ritze has a compelling platform: combat the evil influence of OC Weekly, which is the root of all our problems and social ills.

In an undated letter to the LA Times posted on his campaign website, Ritze listed the following items, which although not identified as such, seem to be his central campaign issues: “1) NO TAX INCREASES. 2. Environmental Issues. 3) Waste. 4) Traffic.” Elsewhere he rails about children being charged for admission at the county fair.

But Ritze's most impassioned campaign statement is buried at the end of his letter. “Our County Government needs to listen more!” he proclaimed. “The values of Orange County are in jeopardy (OC WEEKLY). Not to mention the name Orange County!!!”

It's hard to tell whether Ritze really believes OC Weekly is so influential that we're threatening the core values of Orange County–or what those core values are, since he doesn't name them–or whether he's just blasting us in an effort to kiss ass with the LA Times. If the latter's the case, it hasn't worked. So far the Times hasn't bothered to profile him.

But we have! So, you're welcome, Mr. Ritze! And good luck with your campaign–and those avocado trees. And if you're so worried about OC Weekly's evil influence on county affairs, you might want to remove the reference to one of Scott Moxley's muckraking articles about county supervisor shenanigans on one of the pages of your own website.

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