Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Two and a half months after federal agents raided and tossed his home, jailed him and interrogated him for four straight days without charging him with a crime, 25-year-old Josh Connolehas yet to receive an apology. Connole, whose case was previously discussed in Jim Washburn's Lost in OC column (“You Wanna See Some Real Terror,” Oct. 3), was held and his roommates at the Re-Gen environmental co-op in Pomona were booted out as the FBIand local law enforcement searched for clues to tie Connole to arson fires that scorched Hummersat a San Gabriel Valley dealership. Earth Liberation Frontultimately took responsibility for the crimes—and said Connole was not involved. Connole claims his role in organizing anti-war protests in his hometown of Brea made him a Hummercide suspect. “The responsible thing for the FBI and the United States Attorney's Office to do would be to admit they made a mistake and apologize to Josh and the residents of the co-op with whom he lived,” Connole's attorney William Papariantold reporter Will Matthewsin the Nov. 15 Inland Valley Daily Bulletin. “This could have been handled in a completely different way, in a way that would not have been a wholesale violation of Josh's constitutional rights.” That apology ain't coming anytime soon, as FBI spokesman Matt McLaughlinwas “not about to second guess” his agents or the facts they used to justify Connole's arrest. McLaughlin added that most FBI agents would find it “reprehensible” to arrest someone based on anti-war activities. But Matthews, the former editor of Chapman University's Panther, cited a classified memo sent in April by the California Anti-Terrorism Information Center—a state agency staffed by FBI and other law enforcement officers—that warned of the potential violent tendencies of those who claim to be both environmental and anti-war activists.

AND THE FOLEY GOES TO … Orange County Water Districtfaxed Clockwork on Nov. 18 to gush over receiving the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service's prestigious 2002 National Wetlands Conservation Award. To prevent editors from tossing the release into the ol' round file, the waterboys were quick to mention that the district did not nominate itself for the award; it was singled out by local Fish and Gamers who were impressed with OCWD's environmental efforts concerning the Santa Ana Riverwatershed. Speaking of awards, the OCWD and that mighty concrete river, Clockwork hereby bestows the prestigiouser Matt Foley Motivational Award to Richard Dumke, the homeless, 60-year-old former biologist who for 20 years has tended a lush-but-unauthorized garden on OCWD's riverside land. Before making himself at home in an OCWD shack down by the river, Dumke lived in a nearby van, but it was towed away two years ago. For that, Dumke proved that the late, great Chris Farley's motivational speaker Matt Foley was dead on: if you don't get with the program, you will indeed find yourself living in a van down by the river. CLOCKWORK HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDENow that growth-hormone loaded Thanksgiving turkey particles are zigzagging through your digestive system, this wind-up stocking stuffer feels the time is ripe to share our holiday gift ideas. We'll add more each week until we run out of product, our boss tells us to knock this shit off or that Christ guy's birthday passes—whichever comes first. You'll notice with this initial batch that pine needles and mistletoe aren't the only greens worth venerating this season:

*FOR ARNOLD'S SAKE LEGALIZE POT! BUMPER STICKERwww.ForArnoldsSake.com. $4.The new website ForArnoldsSake.com is dedicated to “fighting for marijuana legalization, one Austrian muscleman at a time.” Using the infamous Pumping Ironclips of our governor—before he was our governor—toking up, the website hopes humor and irreverence will shame Schwarzenegger into promoting an intelligent debate of the Drug War and marijuana decriminalization. Click on the website to order a bumper sticker and rest assured that proceeds go to cannabis crusaders like NORML. *A DRUG WAR CAROL COMIC BOOKBigHead Press. $5.95 on Amazon.com.You could give a Borders gift certificate, but the recipient would probably just blow it on something stupid like classic literature. Better to wrap up this comic book that riffs off Chaz Dickens' Ebenezer Scrooge tale to rant against cannabis criminalization. The original virtual version of A Drug War Carolwas apparently so popular that authors Susan W. Wells and Scott Bieser were asked to crank out this richly researched, beautifully illustrated, real-world paperback. Those who haven't permanently destroyed too many brain cells smoking the devil weed will actually learn something after consuming the 64-page story and 18 pages of hypertext notes and recommended-reading list. *POTTY HEAD! BABY T-SHIRTwww.TshirtHell.com. $17.Hey, why should Ma and Pa Pothead be the only members of the family flying the freak flag. Let junior get in on the action with one of these all-cotton tees that show the universally recognized marijuana leaf in the background and the words “Potty Head!” in the foreground. They come in sizes 6 months, 12 months, 18 months, 2T and 3T. You'll also want to check out T-shirt Hell's full line of baby tees, which include such messages as “I Enjoy a Good Spanking,” “Daddy Drinks Because I Cry,” “I Hide My Crack in My Diaper,” “My IQ is Higher Than the President's,” and “Make Poopy, Not War.” WARNING:.That last one might get your little bundle of joy on an FBI.terror suspect list.

Matt Coker

OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.