A Los Angeles company's product will boldly go where no such product has gone before (that we know of . . . heh-heh).
The place would be space, a.k.a. “The Final Frontier.”
The product would be a vibrator.
Gives whole new meaning to Pocket Rocket, no?
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SexToy.com, a division of leading Internet adult product distributor Convergene (CNV.com) is leading a team to launch the first vibrator into space on
Oct. 8. At least it's the first known vibrator racing toward the heavens–and, no, that is not the lame set up to a Sally Ride joke.
“I have always been into firsts and that is how I made my
money,” explains CNV.com CEO David “SexToy Dave” Levine in a company release. “I was one of the first on the web selling sex toys, first to have
an adult affiliate program, the first to make three appearances on
Bravo's hit show Millionaire Matchmaker and now the first online adult
business with a space program.”
The Vibrating Bullet brand product making the mission is no ordinary vibrator. The toy had to be developed to withstand temperatures of -75 degrees Fahrenheit, conditions 10 times beyond normal cosmic radiation and the elements that are present at an altitude of 100,000 feet, which is three times higher than the cruising altitude of a typical jetliner.
The throbbing stick will be carried into space by a partially solar-powered,
partially helium-filled balloon that's 8 feet wide and able to withstand jet stream winds of up to 100 miles
per hour for one to three hours. The balloon is expected to traverse up to 100 miles, and SexToy Dave's team expects to retrieve the pleasure maker intact. That's because the balloon will be outfitted with two consumer cell phones running
tracking software and an experimental GPS unit.
But, before then, sex toy fans will be able to follow the vibrator in the sky on SexToy.com's new blog, “Chew On This.” That's due to the balloon carrying a 1080p HD
video camera and a 10MP still camera to capture images that will be sent back to Earth.
That is, we'll see those shots if someone (or some thing) does not intervene first and snatch Momma's little helper. If those egghead dishes collecting sounds from deep space later pick up eerie chatter of “B-b-b-b-b-battlestar Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-gallactica,” SexToy.com will know where to send the bill.
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.
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