Thousands of dead Americans, tens of thousands of dead Iraqis, an unstable region, everyone hates us, no end in sight . . . sure, when you put it that way, the Iraq war doesn't sound so good. But what about the unforseen benefits, as extolled in this press release that just rolled into the Clockwork Tower?
War Wound Project to Reduce Battlefield Scars Now Used to Tighten Skin, Prevent Wrinkles
New York, N.Y. – February, 21, 2006 – A war wound project that developed a tissue regeneration and scarless healing process is now being used in a beauty face cream that prevents the onset of wrinkles. The new product, DermaLastyl, is based on patents and technology originally developed in connection with a project for the DoD's Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA).
“We learned on the DARPA project how to make synthesized human elastin to heal war wounds with reduced scarring. Since elastin is absent in fresh wounds, the cells are not held together by tissues that provide support and flexibility. This lack of elastin directly leads to the formation of excess scar tissue. I immediately realized that there could be other applications of this process and moved to develop Elastatropin, my patented precursor to human elastin. Elastatropin is the main ingredient in the new face cream product DermaLastyl. It replenishes sufficient elastin to significantly slow or prevent wrinkles and facial sagging. Scientists at Thomas Jefferson University have been proven that Elastatropin enters into the outer skin layers, cross-links with collagen and other proteins expanding the flexible backbone of the skin”, notes Dr. Burt Ensley.
Hoo-rah, Bones. And we'd just add that if you don't rub this shit all over your face to get rid of the wrinkles, the terrorists win!
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.