[Editor's Note: Quick Questions is our semi-regular feature where we ask comedians a ton of random questions without giving them time to think of anything funny to say. Surprisingly, they still do.]
This February 14th, try swapping out that overpriced romantic dinner for two crap and instead, get in the mood with a night filled with total debauchery at The Naughty Show presents: Sam Tripoli's Naughty Valentine's Day. On Saturday night you can release your wild side at Harvelle's in Long Beach at The Naughty Show that consistently kills it by giving you tons of eye and ear candy with a mix of fantastic comics, sexy pole and burlesque dancers, adult film stars, and of course, plenty of audience participation. Before you switch it up and skip the nice and go straight for the naughty this Valentine's Day, we ripped into Sam for our favorite type of randomness, “Quick Questions.”
OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): Tupac or Biggie?
Sam Tripoli: Anyone but Suge Knight! Fuck it I like both sue me!
Name something you're not super good at but you're like, fuck it. I'm doing anyway. Martial Arts. I'm taking Thai Boxing and I can't kick for shit. But in my mind, I'm motha-fucking Bruce Lee bitch! I constantly imagine kicking everyone's ass even though I can't kick above my waist.
Violent in your mind. I can dig it. What's your take on selfies? They're annoying especially when they make you six figures. Narcissism should never be a full time job. At least Vine celebrities have to hit record, edit, and upload it to make tons of money for doing nothing.
What's something that you can't live without? My phone. God I love my phone. I am my phone's bitch. It owns me.
I feel your pain. So since the “women aren't funny” topic has been hot lately, who are some of your favorite female comics? Whitney Cummings, Chelsea Perretti, Morgan Murphy, Sarah Tiana, Leslie Jones, Kate Quigley, Rachael Boom, Elenor Kerrigan, Jessica Michelle Singleton and the list can go on and on…
What is the craziest thing that's gone down at The Naughty Show? We did a sketch with Rowdy Roddy Piper vs Ari Shaffir (AKA The Amazing Racist) and it was pure fireworks! We gave a life time achievement award to an adult film star and The Amazing Racist started to heckle her and Roddy Piper came up on stage and defended her honor. It was amazing!
Do you have a nickname? The Monster
Ha. OK, I can only imagine why. What's your biggest pet peeve? People who don't dress up for weddings or funerals. I just went to a funeral and people were wearing jean shorts and tap out shirts. You're saying good bye to a loved one, not going to Buffalo Wild Wings.
I'm pretty sure you're well versed in “stripper” so, do you prefer them on the pole or on your lap? Pole. Seriously, it should be an Olympic sport. If it was, that would probably renew the cold war between us and the Russians. Plus, I'm too old for dry humping. I've had real sex so I don't need the tofu version of it. I hate jeans dry humping!
Well said! Do you have a favorite curse word? It's “fuck” and I think everyone says it so much we should really take it off the curse word list. And enough of beeping swear words on TV. We know what you're saying because everyone is saying it. There was a time when people didn't really swear so I can understand not wanting to broadcast it but everyone swears now. Grandmas, cheerleaders, commercials and children do it. We're all grown-ups that say grown-up words.
If you could have one superpower, what would you pick? The ability to fly, to be able to read and retain everything I read, and to never take a dump again. I can't believe it's 2015 and we're still pooping.
OK I said one superpower but since you picked three good ones, I'll let it slide. What do you remember about your drunkest night? I blacked out so I don't remember. On my 21st birthday I was blacked out by 6pm. Once I was drunk and peeing while walking down the Vegas strip. My friends threw me in the back of their truck and chucked me in my bathtub and turned the lights off. I woke up in the dark having no clue where I was. I felt like I was on the show Locked Up Abroad!
Yeah, Vegas will do that to you I hear. How do you handle hecklers? Scientifically and with no mercy! Please don't heckle. A) You're not helping the show. We're not a comedy team. B) If you don't like the comic or the jokes, heckling doesn't stop them from telling jokes. If you really want to let a comic know he or she is not funny, being silent is a way more powerful message than heckling.
What's the best advice you've ever been given? Be in the moment. Yesterday is gone and you don't know if you will have tomorrow. You're doing fine so enjoy the journey because you never know when it could end. Also, help others because when you help others, you stop thinking about yourself!
Words to live by for sure! Name a song that would surprise people by learning you love it. “I Love It” by Icona Pop! It's super poppy but the lyrics are super punk.
Yeah, super punk. Ha. So where's the strangest place you've given an autograph? Double D tits and on a woman's leg that she later turned into a tattoo.
What's your go-to late night meal? Wendy's Home-style Chicken Sandwich. I fucking love that freaking sandwich. It's my higher power!
What percentage is your phone at right now? 86%
Get your tickets now to see “The Naughty Show presents: Sam Tripoli's Naughty Valentine's Day” on February 14th at Harvelle's in Long Beach. Tickets are available at www.LongBeach.Harvelles.com. For more info on Sam, check out his website www.SamTripoli.com and follow him on Twitter @SamTripoli.
Ali Lerman knows much about comedy, basketball, and celebrating Wu-Tang Wednesday. She’s been writing for sixteen years and still calls her mom with grammatical questions.