Rocco, Rocking the Vote, Rips Up Janet Nguyen Campaign Sign?

Steve Rocco, the perennial political candidate who previously served as a trustee of the Orange Unified School District, wants you to vote for him today in his race to unseat Janet Nguyen, the incumbent county supervisor from Orange County's first district. The beanie-and-sunglasses-wearing “retired educator,” who unverifiably worked a day or two as a substitute camp counselor a few decades ago, wants you to vote for him so bad that he (or his ketchup-stealing doppelganger) ripped up a Nguyen campaign sign at about 8:30 Sunday morning at the intersection of Washington Ave. and Broadway St. in Santa Ana

At least that's what one witness—anonymous but unquestionably reliable–alleges he saw. Of course, the source could very easily be someone working on the payroll of the Partnership, the secret cabal made up of Albertsons Supermarket, Smokecraft Sausage and Kodak Film, which controls Orange County politics and has repeatedly sought to kill Rocco and frame him for shoplifting.

The source lives in Santa Ana and is well familiar with Rocco, who is known to travel by bicycle throughout the environs. He said that he was driving in his car when he saw Rocco standing in front of the Nguyen sign. Rocco then looked both ways as if to see if anyone was watching him. Satisfied that he wasn't being monitored, the source said, Rocco then knocked down the sign, got on his bicycle and rode away.

It should be noted that despite the source's certainty that it was Rocco who knocked down the sign, this claim could not be independently verified. Rocco was unavailable to comment by press time. Also unavailable to comment is Rocco's infamous doppelganger, the deceased standup comedian Andy Kaufman, the person most likely responsible for stealing a half-empty, non-refrigerated ketchup bottle from a Chapman University cafeteria in Sept. 2008 and then surreptitiously placing said condiment container in Rocco's knapsack.
In fact, the most likely explanation for the alleged Rocco sighting on Sunday is that Kaufman, presumably singing “Here I come to save the day,” tore down the Nguyen sign himself in an ill-advised effort to help his friend win the election. Stay out of politics, Latka! And you, dear readers, stay tuned, and don't forget to vote today! 

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