Breaking news: according to a fascinating LA Times article, someone has invented kimchi that doesn't stink. Now, I didn't know kimchi stink was even a problem, let alone one that needed fixing. To me, the Korean side-dish of Napa cabbage pickled in garlic, chili and ginger does not possess an offensive odor. In fact, I think it's got a glorious aroma. A little pungent, yes, but so are dill spears.
It's still got nothing on the stench of the Filipino bagoong or the Indonesian terasi. Those two make Vietnamese fish sauce seem like cologne, and kimchi, like ambergris.
But the woman in the story, one anointed kimchi master of South Korea, has focused her considerable efforts on deodorizing the delicacy by way of freeze drying. They say that the miracle product stays neutral-smelling even after you reconstitute it with water. No more kimchi breath, they say. It's safe enough, even, to bring on an over-seas flight.
I suppose this is progress, but what's next? De-poisoning fugu (blowfish)? Wait, that's probably a good thing. And they've already done that.
Before becoming an award-winning restaurant critic for OC Weekly in 2007, Edwin Goei went by the alias “elmomonster” on his blog Monster Munching, in which he once wrote a whole review in haiku.