[Editor's Note: Quick Questions is our semi-regular feature where we ask comedians a ton of random questions without giving them time to think of anything funny to say. Surprisingly, they still do.]
Allison Sciulla is a kick ass comic and author of the books “You're Probably A Slut,” “And Then I Shit My Pants,” and “Anna Likes Anal” which are clearly not for your parents or Oprah's book club. She's also very musically inclined and has a new solo comedy music album called “Wholesome” coming out April 12th and a companion movie called “Some Hole” that you can grab on May 1st. For now though, let's get back to focusing on the comedy. Sciulla will be at the Irvine Improv April 10th for “Sideshow Network's 5 spot Comedy” and before the laughs are delivered via the awesome line-up that evening, we got some one-on-one time with her for a quick game of “Quick Questions.”
What's the craziest thing you've ever done while drunk? Pay for my own drink.
Tell us about your first time on stage- It was at a room called “Marty's” on Sunset Blvd. I was nervous, shaking, and sweating. Later that night I crashed and totaled my car. Welcome to comedy!
Favorite comedy club food- This may sound odd but, I don't eat before shows. I only drink Red Bull and water. Consequently, I always need to pee right before I go on stage.
What are your pet peeves? I cannot stand being interrupted or having to repeat myself. But that may be from the Red Bull.
Best advice you've ever received- “Don't waste time blaming yourself for what you haven't done in the past. It's more productive to congratulate yourself for where you are now.” – Vinnie
Who in your life is funny but doesn't realize how hilarious they are? I laugh a lot at my parents. It's usually at their expense. They are very Italian.
Guiltiest pleasure- Day dreaming about killing my parent's annoying dog Teddy.
What would you name an autobiography of your life? Already done. It's called “And Then I Shit My Pants.” It's published by Volossal and is available from most on-line retailers.
Where the fuck is Waldo? Waldo is in the closet. He's just not ready to come out yet.
What do you think about people who constantly check in on Facebook/ take a million selfie pics? We live in a society where people crave attention and instant gratification. Social media has provided a forum for people to “publish” work that they basically just shit out.
What is the worst present you've ever been given? A bicycle for Christmas. I WANTED A GUITAR!
If you were on death row, what would you pick as your last meal? I would load up on pizza, ice-cream, cheese cakes…anything with dairy. I'm lactose-intolerant so if I'm going out, I'm going out with a big mess to clean up.
What's the craziest thing you've ever asked Siri? Well, when I told Siri I wanted to kill myself, she referred me to the nearest suicide center. Try it out.
Worst song that you love so much- Oh man. This song BLOWS but it's so fun. “Memories” by Barry Manilow. I know, I know…judge me.
If they made a movie about your life, who would you want to play you? Paris Hilton. We are the exact opposite and it would make a good comedy.
What's something you plan on accomplishing this year because you didn't last year?
I'm really trying to get on the road more often. My goal is to make sure I leave California every two months for out of state shows. So far, it's working.
Aside from food, drinks, and a house, what's something that you can't live without? My good friends Vinnie and Jackie. These two have really taken me in and have shown me what it's like to hone in on my talents instead of self-destruct. Oh…and Red Bull.
Catch Allison Sciulla for “Sideshow Network's 5 spot Comedy” at the Irvine Improv April 10th, 71 Fortune Drive Irvine, CA 92618, (949) 854-5455. For tickets go to www.Improv.com. Use the promo code “SIDESHOW” for free tickets. For more info and to pick up one of her books, check out Allison's website www. AllisonSciulla.com and follow her on Twitter @AllisonRox.
Ali Lerman knows much about comedy, basketball, and celebrating Wu-Tang Wednesday. She’s been writing for sixteen years and still calls her mom with grammatical questions.