Orange County Interwebs Horror Show Surfs Cities

This week's Orange County Interwebs Horror Show goes from city to city to see what is being said about them on the Interwebs. Mayors, chambers of commerce officials and visitors and convention bureaucrats may want to skip this one. (Especially in Fullerton, Santa Ana, Mission Viejo, Huntington Beach, San Juan Capistrano and our neighbor in the next county, Long Beach.)

Illustration by Jay Brockman

San Gone Capistrano Many Native Americans were wiped off the map with the
establishment of Mission San Juan Capistrano, but who knew the city has been
erased as well? That's what one is to conclude given this answer to
someone who asked how far it is from San Juan Capistrano to Mexico. “The
distance from Mexico to San Jose California is 693 km. This equals to
431 miles. San Juan Capistrano California is not coming up.” (ChaCha)

Tagged, You're It Friends for Fullerton's Future writer “Mr. Peabody” did not like an Orange County Register
article by Adam
Townsend and Jessica Terrell on graffiti in town. In particular, Mr. P.
did not like the choice of LA County Deputy Sheriff Mike Thibodeaux as
an authority on the subject. The cop worries Fullerton may become a
“mecca” for graffiti artists due to the town's thriving art scene,
“youth culture” around
Cal State Fullerton and proliferation of tattoo shops that graffiti
artists often graduate to as a career move. Writes Mr. Peabody: “Mecca. Well, you can't have a Mecca without a jihad. And,
of course, the idiotic statement goes unchallenged by our intrepid
reporters by at least asking for a single shred of evidence tying
graffiti to 'youth culture' at CSUF, tattoo parlors, or even legitimate
artists.” He concludes with a question: “Say, what is 'youth culture,' anyway?” (Friends For Fullerton's Future)

Dogged Pursuit You're standing in Santa Ana when a stray dog walks up and
bites you. I'll bet race cars to doughnuts you don't even think about
the most obvious statistic when that happens, do you? Tke it away, dog
trainer: “Most Santa Ana dog bite and dog
attack victims are not aware of the fact that on a daily basis, more
than 1,000 dog bite and dog attack victims are treated in hospital
emergency rooms. About 15-20 of these dog bite attacks result in death.”
Wake up, people! Don't think about silly time wasters like pain, rabies
and blood stains on your Bermuda shorts. It's stats, STATS! (Obedience Training for Dogs Blog)

Speaking of Dog Bites . . . The Jackson N Wilson law firm of Mission Viejo demonstrates why you should not outsource your copy writing out to India:
“Each year dozens of announce who live in Mission Viejo, California, be
converted into dog bite victims. Crosswise the United States, very near
5,000,000 announce are bitten or attacked by dogs and 334,000 dog bite
and dog hit victims plea urgent circumstances affect check behavior.
Most Mission Viejo dog bite and dog hit victims are not attentive of
the fact that on a day after day foothold, more than 1,000 dog bite and
dog hit victims are treated in sickbay urgent circumstances place to
stay such as Mission Viejo Affect check Focal top and Saddleback
Sickbay. In this area 15-20 of these dog bite attacks consequence in
fatality.” Ruff, rough. (Drug Rehab People)

Punk-Killing Sopranos After visiting San Pedro and Long Beach, a recent visitor reached Surf City. Some city leaders might take offense to its description: “After
that we ventured into the OC to Huntington Beach, which is kind of like
the New Jersey of Southern California. I seem to remember reading about
how the HB jocks discovered Black Flag and ruined the punk scene, and
it makes a lot of sense.” (Killed by Crafts)

Long Beach to Lose Its Hat, Ass and Overcoat? The recent shooting death of an unarmed man on a Belmont Shores porch by Long Beach police officers has riled up Yelpers. “The LBC will get sued and there will be some shit upon this,” opines Gerard “” I. Napha “Non-Stop” N. notes, “Man he got capped and then they still put him in handcuffs!!!” Jeremy “Jez” M. says of the police contention that the slain man
was holding a garden hose nozzle officers mistook for a gun, “[I]t is
debatable if he was even holding anything; there is no hose or spigot on
that porch. Also, you can legally sit on your porch and hold a unloaded
gun. These cops should be on trial, not just fired.” And another commenter's thought that the shooting “was not totally unjustifiable” brought this from Max “The Devil's Advocate” P.: “The police surrounded and then without identifying themselves killed, with two shotgun blasts and 6 rounds of 9mm ammo, an inebriated man holding a garden hose nozzle. NOT totally unjustifiable? Are you nuts? I hope the cops are shitcanned ASAP and that the City of Long Beach loses its hat, ass and overcoat in a lawsuit.” (Yelp)

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