Finally, Octomom Nadya Suleman of La Habra has been matched with a Celebrity Boxing opponent worthy of her immense status: ultimate homewrecker-turned-prison skank-turned-adult film stunt cast member Amy Fisher. Indeed, Celebrity Boxing Federation promoter Damon Feldman struck the D-list motherlode for his Nov. 5 fight card, which also includes Fisher's husband Lou Bellera v. Fisher's former lover Joey Buttafuoco; Fisher's Celebrity Rehab co-“star” Jeremy Jackson v. Coolio; Fisher's pal Michael Lohan v. Kato Kaelin; and Tareq Salahi v. Jose Canseco. (What? Neal Schon is busy?)
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Amy Fisher vs Nadya “Octomom” Suleman -… by maximotv
The referee for this trainwreck, as revealed at Monday's Beverly Hills press conference snippeted above? Britney Spears' ex-husband Kevin Federline. The Muhammad Ali
Amy Elizabeth Fisher v. Natalie Denise Gutierrez-Doud-Suleman seems like an unfair fight, because of all the strippers, cocktail waitresses and whores Nads has already fought in oversized gloves. Amy, meanwhile, is only known for shooting an unarmed woman in the face with a gun.
But, speaking of face, Fisher has repeatedly been hit there with balled-up mounds of flesh. And she's been training a couple months with former boxer Feldman in Philadelphia. Ironically, he can't get a license to hold fights in his native Pennsylvania ever since getting caught fixing bouts.
For the life of me, I can't figure out from all the assorted gossip coverage where the Nov. 5 fights are being held. I do know that they will reportedly be covered live by FilmOn.com, an Internet television service that charges $7.95 a month or $79.50 a year, and supposedly DirecTV, although it's not yet on the satellite television company's pay-per-view schedule.
If you must catch the fight live, the tele may be safer than in-person. A woman claims she was shot in the arm while watching Suleman duke it out at Feldman's Celebrity Boxing match Saturday in Springfield, Mass., reports MassLive. Like me with anything out of Octomom's mouth, police detectives are dubious of the alleged victim's claims.
Meanwhile, don't count ol' Nads out. Training, fighting, giving multiple interviews, selling her house and making me constantly throw up in my own mouth prove she's the multi-tasking genius she's always said she is.
And, yes, I did purposely leave off “raising her children” from that last sentence.
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.