You are the wealthy donors holding your meeting in the conference room right next to my office. Next time, close the fucking door! I don’t need to hear you mapping out your big plans for the university while you eat the chips from your boxed lunch with your mouths wide open. All I’m getting is moist lips, like Dana Carvey doing his Jimmy Stewart impersonation. While you may qualify at some point to have a building named after you, the most important contributors to this public university are its students. They pay tuition and taxes, so they really get hit twice while they’re enrolled. At least practice eating chips so you don’t sound as if your great wealth has obscured you from enjoying this crunchy treat provided by us commoners.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to le*****@oc******.com.