Welcome to Agrestic, errrrr, Orange County

When did Showtime's Weeds, which is set in Valencia or Calabasas or Santa Clarita or Stevenson Ranch or Gorman or wherever the hell it is, spring up in Orange County? It's sure seeming very Agrestic-like based on two police incidents mere hours apart Wednesday.

First, cops started going door-to-door in the 1100 block of East First Street in Tustin because someone had called saying marijuana was being grown and sold in the area. The odor led officers to a particular home around 9 a.m., and when they went inside they reportedly found 300 pot plants growing thanks to elaborate irrigation, lighting and atmosphere-control systems. Handguns and assault rifles were also found, and residents Jeremie
, 35, and Otha Millner, 65, were booked at Orange County Jail on suspicion of marijuana cultivation and
weapons charges.


Then, around 12:25 p.m., at least two gunmen burst into a home in
the 16600 block of Robert Lane in Huntington Beach, which was occupied
by four adults and an infant. That's not all that was inside: the
robbers made off with a shotgun, a handgun, a wallet, a laptop computer
and marijuana plants, according to Huntington Beach police.

The only thing missing from each home was a hot MILF calling the shots. And speaking of Nancy Botwin, the actress who plays her, Mary-Louise Parker, and her ass were the subject of an interesting Slate post the other day.

It was about how Esquire tries to distance itself from lad and skin mags by calling its pictorials of a shapely female celebrity a “Woman
We Love,” as opposed to, say, a “Woman We Ogle.” The copy bent around
the bent-over lasses also reference her wits, brains and
less obvious body parts, like “cayeene hair” or “long, ribbony limbs.”
In that vein, Parker was shown in a recent Esquire spread in nothing but an apron in some shots, lacey black lingerie in others.

But what Slate noticed was how the magazine dropped its genteel mask
and attempted to lure horny male eyes with its online version of the
same pictorial, based on the imperatives of “search engine optimization.”

Consider the
disparity between the text of the Parker article, which refers to her
“long, platinum neck” and “deep, Guinness eyes,” and the text in the
title tag, that headline in the bar at the top of your browser window,
which is what search engines like Google pay particular attention to:
It reads “Mary Louise Parker Naked Photos – Mary Louise Parker Ass –
Esquire.” You can find similar disparities in recent pieces on Katy
Perry (“gigantic” eyes vs. “Katy Perry Hot – Sexy Pictures of Katy Perry”) and Anna Friel (“rainbow leggings” vs. “Anna Friel Naked – Tribe Anna Friel Breasts”).

That “Tribe” line is particularly slimy. Anna Friel, an actress known lately for her roles inPushing Daisies and Land of the Lost, also appeared in a 1998 film called The Tribe, and in it–at least according to sites like Mr. Skin that keep track of such things–you can see her breasts. So whoever was writing the title tags at Esquire
was hoping to anticipate the Web searches of people looking for the
naked Friel of 10 years ago, and steer them to the naked Friel in
Esquire this year.

The most ironic thing Clockwork noticed about the Slate post was its URL:


Nancy Botwin's ass shall not be denied!

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