NEWS ITEM: Anaheim is considering a monorail that runs not just through Disneyland but through Anaheim to the theme park.
INSTA-PUNDITRY FROM LYLE LANLEY: Well, sir, the Happiest Place on Earth . . .
]
Won't be alone is having
A genuine,
Bona fide,
Electrified,
20 to 40 passengers per car
Monorail!
What'd I say?
Vlad Guerrero: Que?
Lanley: What's it called?
Stacey Q+Gwen Stefani: Monorail!
Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
[crowd chants `Monorail' softly and rhythmically]
Lucille Kring: I hear those things are awfully noisy . . .
Lanley: Then pack your bags and move to Boise.
Harry Sidhu: Is there a chance GOP support could bend?
Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Arte Moreno: What about trips to my stadium?
Lanley: We'll swing by there and Hollywood Palladium.
Bill Fitzgerald: Were you sent here by the OCTA?
Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on a-OK.
Chief Welter: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lanley: Then bust more Mexicans, my good man.
I swear it's Anaheim's only choice…
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All: Monorail!
Lanley: What's it called?
All: Monorail!
Lanley: Once again…
All: Monorail!
Lorri Galloway: But Ball Road's still all cracked and broken…
Tom Wood: Sorry, ma'am, the mob has spoken!
All: Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
[big finish]
Monorail!
Curt Pringle: Mono . . . Doh!
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.