Massage parlor owners rejoice! The city of Aliso Viejo is in the process of changing local law so that you and other hands-on businesses in town can operate table showers, which are just what the name implies: tables where people lie down next to bathroom fixtures that workers use to shower them off.
Table or “vichy” showers had been prohibited under the municipal code to further regulate adult-oriented businesses that might proliferate within city limits. So, why does the Aliso Viejo City Council now seem welcoming to such, ahem, relaxation services?
Keep your towels on, horn dogs: Businesses that include table showers must be located within fitness centers and have attached to them hotels with at least 50 rooms, according to the just-introduced ordinance.
You know, businesses like the Renaissance Hotel, which opened in July, wanted table showers included with its day-spa services and is now seeing the law changed pretty much to its lone benefit.
As the Orange County Register reports, businesses that want to have table showers will still have to apply for a conditional use permit, which means Aliso Viejo will still get to regulate who can have them and who cannot, although a city report claims the CUPs are necessary in mitigating risks to public health, safety and welfare.
As the same report puts it, the showers have until now been prohibited because “unscrupulous massage establishments have been known to advertise 'table showers' as a front for prostitution.”
It'll be interesting to see the going rate for table showers at the Marriott chain's chi-chi Renaissance, where rooms currently cost between $149 and $439 a night and massages range from $69 for the cheapest 25-minute session and $150 for the priciest 80-minute indulgence. It's possible table showers will be among the $30 apiece “extra services.”
Talk about getting screwed . . . and hosed!
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.