Paloma Esquivel has a touching story in the LA Times about Laguna Woods seniors still awaiting their City Council-approved medicinal marijuana dispensary, which would be the only one in Orange County. Scratch that: the only legal one in Orange County.
Perhaps the delay can be blamed on the time it is taking the LW brain trust to deal with the myriad unintended consequences introduction of a ripping pottery will bring to what used to be lovingly referred to as Seizure World. For instance, Laguna Woods residents will have to deal with . . .
-Wake 'n' bake replacing morning constitutionals
-Lines of seniors ringing the nearest Polly Pies–even more than now!
-Phish bumping Mantovanni off the senior center mix tape
-The sewing circle evolving into a drum circle
-Something other than bedtime happening daily at 4:20
-Riding the Laughlin turnaround in a VW bus
-“Dude, your eyes are blazin' right now!” becoming the new “Get the hell off my lawn!”
-Watching Matlock with the sound down, cranking some righteous space jams
-Space jams becoming something other than the substance growing between one's toes
-Walking into a room and forgetting why. Okay, so that's not really going to change.
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-Deadhead bumper stickers being affixed over AARP stickers
-The cafeteria being slammed whenever the eggs and hash breakfast special is served
-Rusted Root not solely referring to one's root
-Cataract sufferers bumping into things because the drug store is all out of eye drops
-Polyester slacks now being flared with bell bottoms
-Drive-thru restaurants opening a lane for seniors pushing walkers . . .
-. . . and staying open 24 hours, too.
-Pink Floyd not solely being the nickname of confirmed bachelor neighbor Floyd
-Your other neighbor, Bud, reeking of same
-Collecting roaches, instead of turning them into pets
-Fruit Loops replacing oatmeal
-Fruit Loops replacing lunch
-Fruit Loops replacing dinner
-Hearing constant screams of, “Where are my goddamned Fruit Loops?”
-Ballroom dancing: out! Swatting imaginary flies while swaying alone: in!
-Having to stock up on more arthritis pain reliever now that swatting imaginary flies while swaying alone is in
-Chronic? Absolutely! Pain? Not as long as you're holding chronic.
-Two words: tie-dye Depends
-Your grandkids finally visiting
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.