Free Crap That Came In The Mail: 'The Black Box'

Oh jeez. Is this “Free Crap That Came In The Mail” or am I starring in my own version of The Ring?

Let's take a look at this press release before we get any further: “The Black Box is a hand held tombstone, an obsidian device with looped tracks from Cristal, Haptic and Wrnld and two spoken word sound pieces from Annie Feldmeier Adams. These FSS artists have created deep dark and disturbing sound constructs specifically for this project.”

Yeah. The soundbox needs two AA batteries, which kind of lessens the creepiness–surely the same thing that powers my remote can't be out to get me, right? Upon popping in the required three volts of electricity, I was greeted by a monotone, looping voice, saying “today I will not kill myself.” Cool. Realizing I probably shouldn't bring whatever Drag Me To Hell-esque curse listening to this surely entails to my co-workers, I inserted headphones. (Press release: “if you want to keep your despair to yourself.”)

Let's move on to track two. Just a dialtone. OK. Track three, some creepy, high-pitched noises. Track four, static. But scary static. (Trust me!) Track five, some type of distorted voice saying something like “I won't kill me.” Maybe. Track six, more indistinguishable noises, kind of like the sound effects playing over the title card of Lost. By tracks seven through nine, I got a little bored of having my ears blasted by loud, random noises. But the damage has already been done. I'll probably end up face-down in a river, seen through an unsettling soft focus and with a weird little girl somewhere close by.

There's also an iPhone application for The Black Box, in case you're looking for despair on the go.

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