And we're not saying it can't be done right (see: Daft Punk's “Technologic”). Either way: If this is a sign of the times, well then we want out.
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1) Trey Songz – “LOL Smiley Face”
Why It's Bad: Are people really hooking up via TwitPic these days? We hope not. It's hard for us to even believe the popularity of this song. It's on the radio. There are fan-made videos all over YouTube. People actually like this song. To quote a friend, “To be honest with you, I find the song kind of amazing… in like an anthropological kind of way.”
Stand-Out Lyrics: “Shorty just text me, says she want to sex me/LOL smiley face, LOL smiley face/Shorty sent a TwitPic, saying come and get this/LOL smiley face, LOL smiley face.”
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2) Britney Spears – “E-mail My Heart”
Why It's Bad: Hey, we actually like Britney around here. And in our defense, this track was off her first full-length, 1999's …Baby One More Time, making her 18-years-old at the time. And everyone knows when you're 18 you no longer have age as an excuse. Sorry.
Stand-Out Lyrics: “E-mail my heart and say our love will never die/and that I know you're out there and I know that you still care (I know that you still care…)/E-mail me back and say our love will stay alive/Forever (Won't ya say, Won't ya say)/Forever, Forever/E-mail my heart.”
3) Black Eyed Peas – “Now Generation”
Why It's Bad: We're pretty sure the Black Eyed Peas were goin' for a sort of updated the Who's “My Generation” vibe, but c'mon. They got the Pete Townshend. We get Fergie Ferg.
Stand-Out Lyrics: “Stay connected in a jet/Wi-fi, podcast/Blasting out an SMS/Text me and I text you back/Check me on the iChat/I'm all about that http/You're a PC, I'm a Mac/I want it/MySpace in your space/Facebook is a new place/Dip divin' socializin'/I'll be out in cyber space/Google is my professor/Wikipedia checker/Checkin my account/Loggin' in and loggin' out/Baby I want it…/Now!”
4) 'N Sync – “Digital Getdown”
Why It's Bad: It's a love song. About long distance relationships made okay thanks to the technologies of video chat.
Stand-Out Lyrics: “Digital digital get down/Just you and me/(You may be) Twenty thousand miles away/But I can see ya and baby baby you can see me/Digital digital get down just what we need/We can get together naturally/(We can) We can get together on the digital screen.”
Also?: Considering the circumference of the Earth is about 24,901 miles at the
equator, if one was really 20,000 miles away, then you'd actually be
like, 5,000 miles away. Anyone following us here? No? Okay.
5) Paul Wall – “Internet Goin' Nutz”
Why It's Bad: Southern rapper Paul Wall loses some serious cred with this one, calling out screen name and such. However, he does gain some points back for the Max Headroom ref though. C-c-c-c-catch the wave!
Stand-Out Lyrics: “I'm comin' straight up outta that chatroom, and live from the message board/I'm at the crib all by myself, chattin' online when I'm bored/Oh my Lord, BlackPlanet got all the hoes and all the freaks/I'll get your page and send a note, then hit me back when it's time to creep/I'm tryin' to reach this girl Monique, her screen name is ChynaDoll/She's light brown with big thighs, and standin' five foot seven tall/If she don't call me it's okay, I'll hit up SexyEyez02/Sophomore at TSU, and she run track, that's what it do/I'll send a note to my girl Crystal, she ShootiNStarr99.”
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