Some people talk under their breath and they're considered assholes. And then there are a few people that can talk under their breath in a funny way and those peeps are considered, hilarious. See also: Mitch Fatel. This New York comedian has the sexy snark on lock all delivered with a charming innocence and a twinkle in those eyes that you can't help but love. We know a thing or two about the "love" portion when it comes to Fatel so when we heard he was headlining the Ontario Improv August 6th through 9th, our (cold) hearts bursted knowing we'd get the chance to talk to that magical mofo. And since we know Fatel stays busy, we didn't waste any time with throwing out some of our favorite "quick questions" his way to see how he'd fare. And fair enough, his wit stayed ready.
OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): Where is the weirdest place you've given an autograph?
Mitch Fatel: What's an autograph?
Fine, go ahead and play coy. If you were going to have sex with someone and it'd be the last time you ever had sex because your dick was going to fall off or something, who would it be with? A surgeon whose specialty was reattaching penises that fell off during sex.
Ha. So smart. Tell me about the first time you bombed. I'll tell you after my shows in Ontario.
No way! I predict packed a packed house. Also, I'm not clairvoyant. Any who, as a single gal in the city who has almost given up on dating, can you give me some advice? Don't have sex with guys who tell you their dick is about to fall off.
Good god! My dad is going to love (not) this convo. Moving on…where the fuck is Waldo? ISIS cut off his head.
Figures. What's the best pick up line that you've ever heard and did it work? My dick is about to fall off, will you fuck me? And, yes.
I'm starting to feel like you want your dick to fall off. When did you realize that you wanted to do comedy full-time? After my dick fell off.
Great, now I can't stop thinking about your dick. Well played. If you won a 20 million dollar Powerball, what would you do with the money? Pay Donald Trump for five minutes alone with his asshole, pay Bill Cosby to fuck it in front of me, and laugh about it at dinner with Jared Fogle.
I…I…yeah. If you could have dinner with anyone that is alive, obviously, and they'd pay the bill, who'd it be with? Please see the above answer.
You're one dirty bastard. Tell me three things that are on your bucket list. Again, it's the same as the Powerball answer.
I take that back. You are a dirty DIRTY bastard. Fuck, marry, kill. Hillary Clinton, Caitlyn Jenner, Paula Deen. I fucked em' all, they all wanted to marry me, and I killed their dreams by telling them to never call me again.
Sounds devastating. Who's your favorite person on Twitter? Ali Lerman
I wish I didn't know that you were lying. What is under your bed? Ali Lerman
OK this is getting terrifying but in the sexiest of ways. Do you think you have ever loved someone more than Kanye West loves Kanye West? Who is Kanye West? Sounds like a douche.
Oh and he is! What is something that you can't live without? My Mama.
Awww. Well in that case, tell me your favorite "your mama" joke. I beg your pardon??
OK skip that. WWJD? Seriously, what would that mofo do? Come to my show and say he was disappointed I told so many sex jokes but he loved my smile. He'd also buy a CD and tell me to sign it to Mary and say something dirty.
Right?? Jesus is a freak! I knew it! How long was your longest layover and what did you do while you were waiting? It was two days in Beirut Lebanon. I prayed no one would find out I was Jewish.
Mozel. OK, this question is for me but, when the fuck are you filming a new special?
I'm working on a one hour special now as we speak. Stay tuned, I will get more famous. I promise.
Spill the details…what are you working on that our lovely readers should know about? I mean, I've heard some rumors so… I'm renaming this question to, "Why aren't you getting more famous?" The answer is, because the world is a bad place but, I'm actually working on finally getting over the hump. Stay tuned though and if I'm not more famous in five years, I would be shocked (hint: What would you pay to see the "comedian whose penis fell off during sex" reality show? *wink, wink*)
You're making me feel movement down there with that cryptic answer. And I like it. Slap me with the best advice that you've ever received. Don't listen to your Dad.
Do yourself a solid and catch Mitch Fatel at the Ontario Improv August 6th through 9th, 4555 Mills Circle Ontario Mills Ontario, CA 91764, (909) 484-5411. For tickets go to www.Improv.com. For more info on Mitch, go to his website www.MitchFatel.com and follow him on Twitter at @MitchFatel.