You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask off the old Lone Range, and you apparently don't mess around with Michael Payne's golf balls.
According to a fellow playing in a foursome ahead of Payne at Casta Del Sol golf course in Mission Viejo, the 46-year-old stranger confronted them with allegations they'd stolen his golf balls . . . before things got really ugly.
One golfer was allegedly punched in the face by Payne, who then took one of his golf clubs and bashed the wrist of a second player who was trying to flee his attacker in a golf cart.
Yes, in one of the most terrifying—and, if you'd watched it, you've got to admit, funny—scenes you can imagine, the golfer in the cart was putting the pedal to the metal to get to a course marshal to stop the violence. But he was foiled in full stride by a maniac on foot swinging a golf club.
If only a news copter could have filmed the slowest high-speed chase ever.
Anyway, Orange County sheriff's deputies eventually arrived and arrested Payne on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and assault and battery. It was unclear whether he had even paid to get on the course or sneaked on.
The golf cart driver won't be using his driver any time soon, having possibly suffered a broken wrist. At least he has one helluva story to coax free rounds out of those buying at the 19th hole.