The Los Angeles Times reported, and the Minneapolis Star Tribune obviously picked up (it's a long story why we're using their link instead of the Times'; just got with it), the story of the U.S. government having so much trouble filling diplomat posts in Iraq (gee, wonder why?) that it may make such service mandatory, which would not only foster morgue-like morale in the Baghdad embassy (gee, wonder why?), but send the signal to the rest of the world that the folks representating the United States there don't want to be there (gee, wonder why?). That got us thinking of the perfect candidate to head that embassy, a powerful local power broker who has gobs of ambassadorial experience–ambassadorial experience that includes having dealt with headline-grabbing international terrorism. And dude loves the hummus. (Some pals have reported seeing it oozing out of his ears!) Former U.S. Ambassador to Spain George Argyros, come on down! You are the next contestant to play The Price on Your Head is Right! Now, don't get us wrong: we're not pimping George out because we wish harm would befall him. It's not like he's an enormous, oafish, molasses-slow, moving target, right? No, George would be right for the job because of his main area of expertise: slumlording! Or, for you true blue fans of El Gordo who discount the mountains of evidence against him, there is his oft-told rags to riches tale. You won't find more rags anywhere outside Iraq these days–the rags that aren't buried under rubble or on the burning end of a Molotov cocktail.
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.