Kevin & Bean's April Foolishness
April 6, 2013
By now, April Foolishness–KROQ's annual smorgasbord of crass comedy–is one of those jumbo shows that has fans of stand-up salivating every year it's announced. This year was no different as the alt-rock radio station delivered it's fifth installment of the party featuring some of the craziest funnymen in the business.
However, the show's surprise opener Sam "The Armenian Comedian" didn't exactly get things off to a roaring start. It was actually more of a booing start as his jokes unfortunately fell flat on the crowd. Kevin and Bean appeared after a few minutes to save our ears and the crowd quickly went wild. They mentioned that all of the comics performing tonight had donated their time to the evening (which still didn't make "The Armenian Comedian's" humor any better for the record) and that proceeds from the night would be benefiting the Wounded Warrior Project and Cedars-Sinai NICU. Despite the early flop, great causes and a great night were indeed ahead.
Rob Delaney hit the stage first and got right into the filth by talking about how he likes to find his favorite audience member so he can take them back to his van and make them an egg salad sandwich…and then mouth fuck them. How that story became a segue into bit about Delaney taking a shower with his son is beyond us. But hey, we weren't there to judge. The audience seemed to have laughed the hardest when he went off about how when a mom says it's time to have sex, you have sex right then and there and never question it. Ah, who can withstand the power of a good mom sex joke…well played, Mr. Delaney.
Ralph Garman and his porn-stache came out to cheers and introduced Ari Shaffir and everyone was pumped to say the least. I like to think they were fans because Shaffir rules, but it could have been the big ass beers talking at this point. Either way, Ari made some great points about why it's better to live alone (because then you'll always be right) and hammered an audience member for bringing their kid saying, "Great, now I can't do my dick jokes. Can you put that kid back inside for a minute? Kids are horrible. You know who doesn't like kids? Adults!" Ending with a stoner story that would have never gone down if Shaffir didn't live alone, the crowd absolutely loved him and gave him major love.
Brad Williams is a KROQ favorite and the venue absolutely went ape shit when he got on stage. Small in stature but big in wit, Brad had the crowd in tears (specifically the girl directly next to me) while he gave demonstrations on how handicap people have sex. He also mentioned that he realizes a lot people have questions about his dwarfism so he answered the one that he gets most often and that answer is, "six inches." He went on to say, "OK, six inches might not be too big, but it is on me! I'm the only one in the room who can actually say my dick hangs down to my knees!" The audience roared with laughter.
After a quick bit about bedroom pep talks, we were all hoping there would be some rump shaking because if you know Brad, then you know that this guy can get the fuck down. We definitely weren't disappointed when they fired up the music during his set. Psy's "Gangnam Style" mixed with MC Hammer's "Too Legit" was bumping and Brad was pumping his ass, doing the worm, break dancing, and showcasing moves that would give the Jabbawockeez a run for the money. In turn, Brad received the only standing ovation of the night and it was hands down well deserved.
If you follow Jay Mohr on Twitter, then you know that he had a bet going with Brad Williams on who was going to own the night. Yeah, good luck with that now, Mohr! Jay starting out thanking "all of his other opening acts" and assuring us that it's OK to have nothing in common with who you marry because, "the key to a happy marriage is to have similar hates." He also told the crowd it's never cool to admit you have a "man cave" because all he hears when you say that is, "I married a cunt!" Hysterical. Known for his amazingly spot-on impressions, Jay ended his set killing the KROQ crowd with Norm Macdonald, Eddie Vedder, Bono, Steven Tyler, and Bruce Springsteen.
The best part was when he said he was sick of musicians talking on stage and pushing their agendas because, "I just paid my money to see you here in my town, and you're standing in front of me. Don't talk. Just sing the fucking hits!" We couldn't agree more, Mohr.
Before the next comic even came on stage, the thumping entrance music (a the remix to Snoop Dogg's "Gin and Juice") blared out from the speakers and you just had to know who was coming out next…Doug Benson. With his eyelids halfway closed, Benson took the stage and said, "Holy crap I'm soooo high right now. How high? 7.4. on a scale from 1 to 7.4." The crowd erupted with applause. (Did you expect anything less?) He came complete with a thank you post-it note (as not to forget anything) that included Jay Mohr for taking a dump in the green room to cover up the marijuana smell, Brad Williams for being small, and Kevin and Bean for making him look like a cold weather pussy by always wearing shorts. These peeps love their Mary Jane jokes and Benson is known for that as well as his love of movies and the crowd reveled in his set.
After a slew of hilarious flick-riddled references including wondering why the dumb chick in the movie "Taken" even answers her dad's phone calls anymore because, "she should just see his name come up on caller ID and start running," stoney Doug finally figured out that his set was over and he was being signaled off stage and the appreciate spectators showed their adoration for Benson with plenty of hoots and hollers.
Ralph Garman and that stank-stache came back out to introduce the last comic of the night, Bill Burr. Armed with his signature angry style, the red-headed joker kept his set topical by ranting about the Rutgers coach, talking about how he wants to get a .22, and sticking up for people who have raised trucks saying, "Maybe they actually aren't compensating for small dicks! Maybe they actually have big dicks and they just need all that clearance! Did you assholes ever think of that?" Ever aggressive and still completely hilarious, Bill talked about dialing back the "douchebaggery" in relationships and touched on the difference in his road life now in hotels as opposed to how early on in his career when he had to stay in motels that were like "serial killer buffets."
He also admitted to getting a DUI back in 1989 and how when he got pulled over he was actually relieved because he didn't have to think about driving anymore. Sure…getting a DUI isn't funny, but somehow everything that comes out of Burr's mouth with that Massachusetts accent sound amusing. Burr's punchy arsenal of jokes were definitely appreciated as most of the crowd refused to leave their seats to leave early (a.k.a. typical LA behavior) and delivered an uproarious applause to close out the show.
Critic's Bias: While it's always nice to see and hear Cleto & The Cletones, Mike Relm happens to be one of my favorite DJ's EVER! Major props to KROQ for having him provide the music this year. Mike Relm gets the fuck down and the crowd ate him up and last night, he no doubt made some new fans. Trust, it was a great choice!
The Crowd: As is every year with this event, the April Foolishness crowd was responsive, boozed up, and ready to get their laugh on. Hopefully the dummy that had their little kid sitting with them down in the front learned their lesson because almost every comic commented on it while staying true to their set that was riddled full of raunch. Next time, get a fucking babysitter.
Overheard in the Crowd:
"Oh my god! I don't even know why I think this is so funny but I can't stop laughing!"
"Booooo! Send the fucking kid home! This isn't Disneyland"
"Holy shit! Brad Williams can dance! Oh my god, I am dying!"
Random notebook dump: It's always good to go out for a great night for a great cause but really people, that doesn't mean that you should dress like an asshole. Last year, Felipe Esparza mentioned something about women who wear clothes that are "too small for them" and clearly, those chicks didn't get the memo this year. Yikes.