Yesterday's news that Tito Ortiz had been popped for DUI was not the biggest news to come out over the weekend about the "Bad Boy of Huntington Beach."
Nor was it the weirdest.
And, speaking of weird news, Ortiz's ex- Jenna Jameson also took a walk on the wild side.
Come to think of it, would that be news at this point?
Please read both of these tales and vote for the weirdest in the comments. Actually, if you can't handle Penthouse Forum letters, stop reading now.
We begin for the rest of you pervs, as we did the first paragraph, with Mr. Ortiz. You know those Reddit AMAs (Ask Me Anything) that often make news when the "me" refers to a celebrity? Well, former Orange County taxi cab driver Martin Ludo did a Reddit MAMA (Me Ask Me Anything) where he gave a whopper of an answer when he mentioned the two questions he always gets is has he picked up any celebs and whether any fares have had sex in his cab.
Ludo managed to merge both questions into one, as the male having sex in the taxi was none other than Ortiz–and the female was perhaps Jameson!
The first two questions everybody always asks are if I've ever driven any celebrities and if anyone ever had sex in the backseat. The answer to both questions is yes so I'll start with a story that encompasses both.
I don't really follow MMA fighting but even I recognized Tito Ortiz when he got in my cab. Mostly because I knew he lived in Huntington Beach and he had a rep among the cabbies as being a really good tipper. He got in with a totally gorgeous blonde in a skimpy white dress and giant fake tits. They were going to a hotel in Hollywood. A cab ride from HB to Hollywood is an incredible fare, it's about an hour and a half in traffic and meters over a hundred bucks. The money alone was enough to make me excited about the fare. Then before I even got on the freeway they started fucking.
Being a cab driver is a weird job because you are surrounded by people all day but you are completely alone. Nobody, not even the nice fares, treat you like a human being. At worst you get treated like a servant, at best just ignored. It always amazed me how many people felt no shame having the most intimate personal conversations or doing the most intimate things in the backseat. You know that scene in Taxi Driver where he says every night you gotta clean the cum off the backseat and sometimes the blood? Totally accurate, even in Orange County. Sometimes people asked if it was ok to have sex, sometimes they just did it, sometimes I charged them extra, sometimes I didn't bother. Tito Ortiz was nice and polite when he got in and told me the destination, but he didn't ask if he could fuck. Either he knew he didn't have to, or he just didn't want to waste any more time talking.
They started making out right away, the fake-titted blonde's dress came off in less than a mile, and then Tito started going to work as I drove north on Beach Blvd. Fake titty blondes aren't even my type but this woman was beautiful and I imagine I would have busted in about 5 seconds if I had been the one in the backseat. But by the time we got on the 405 he was still going. Then the 605 and he was still going. Then we got on the 5 and he was STILL fucking. I'd never seen stamina like this before.
The 5, then the 101, then we got off on Sunset and they NEVER stopped. We started getting closer to the hotel and I thought they were going to fuck right up to the valet stand. About a block away and after 90 minutes straight of fucking, I finally told them we were almost there. He didn't even finish, he just pulled out and they put their clothes back on. I pulled up front and he said "thanks" and handed me 300 bucks and got out.
I didn't even have to clean up any cum out of the backseat. Tito Ortiz is awesome.
Ninety minutes?!? Did Tito ever last that long in the ring? His upper lip obviously wasn't the only thing that was stiff.
By the way, Ludo collects such stories in his book:
As you might expect, the recent news involving Jameson is even more graphic–complete with NSFW photos!
Remember that little, brass-knuckled dust-up Jenna had with her former personal assistant last year?
Well, she's having problems with her latest personal assistant, who is an all-boy and not a transvestite like the last one. Jameson accuses the new him of accessing her personal social media accounts and deleting some photos.
So, she spent Friday night on the notorious 4chan's /b/ page, where people post the "most disturbing images imaginable" for assistance.
Jameson's goal was to get dirt on her ex-PA, but the 4chan-ners demanded she get dirty for them first.
Which she did.
And she was rewarded with the dirt.
This is exactly how Congress used to work.
Like I said, it's NSFW if you follow the links and really NSFW if you go to The Gloss, which removes some black bars to show Jenna's naughty bits (not that you haven't seen them before … pervs!).
Someday, Tito and Jenna's boys there in Huntington Harbour are going to be so proud.