Thoughts From Southern California’s MMA Shakespeare: Jason “Mayhem” Miller

“Who needs to go home when you got franks and weenies with you? I guarantee my dog wouldn’t leave. He’d follow me to the ends of the earth with these packs of hotdogs. He doesn’t give a shit, yeah. He’d eat the mayonnaise too and go into a diabetic coma for which I’d have to give him mouth to nose resuscitation . . . If your dog is ever choking, you close his nose, all right, grip him around his snout and, okay, blow hard into his nose hole . . . I was thinking how the fuck can a Labrador just lay there and let you just give his mouth a blow job? A nose job? . . . Dogs and humans have co-evolved. Phhhhsh. I see a lot of bitches, a lot of bitches . . . If you notice from the dog park, the dogs don’t shit in the middle of the place. They know. That’s the social area. They go off to the side, take a fat dump in the bushes where I can’t get it out, where he’s like, ‘trust me, you don’t want to get it. You’ve seen what I’ve been eating’ . . . . What the fuck was I just talking about? I just went to another land.”

—Jason “Mayhem” Miller, Orange County’s most original sports celebrity, during a recent podcast, which can be heard in its entirety HERE.

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