Jan Crouch is . . . Dead!?!

That was my assumption about the queen of the Costa Mesa-based Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN) when I just opened up the Orange County Register home page.

See what I mean on the next page . . .

Next to the headline “Deathbed Power Struggle at TBN?”:

The link actually took you to an OC Watchdog post by Teri Sforza with the full photo . . .

The photo, which just to be clear does not show a dead Jan Crouch but a very live-wire one, has been entered into evidence in Orange County Superior Court by her granddaughter, Carra Crouch, who is suing TBN along with her sister, Brittany Crouch Koper, with the assistance of Brittany's attorney-husband, Michael Koper.

All these kinfolk used to work for TBN, and their case is just one piece of an internal, back-and-forth, family-power struggle that beats TV's Dallas (then and now) when it comes to backstabbing, outrageous claims and sexual shenanigans. Why, Jan Crouch alone beats the entire Dallas cast (then and now) when it comes to gallons of makeup trailer products slathered onto her face.

You may recall Josh Dulaney's post on the family infighting . . .

Trinity Broadcasting Network: Disgruntled Family Members Want Hush Money

. . . As well as one he did on Carra Crouch alleging she was raped at 13 by a 30-year-old TBN employee and that Grammy Jan exploded, blamed the girl for being loosey goosey (she swears she wasn't) and worked with others in the world's largest television ministry to cover up the assault.

Granddaughter of Paul and Jan Crouch Alleges Cover-up of Rape by TBN Employee When She Was 13

Whew, anyone else need a shower?

At the top of ticket in this hillbilly battle royale is the quest for control of the reins passed down by the not-quite-dead-yet Paul Crouch Sr.–Jan's husband. Incapacitated, Daddy has given control of his billion-dollar empire to his son Matthew Crouch, bypassing Paul Crouch Jr., who is the father of Carra and Brittany and father-in-law of Michael Koper.

The photo, which is part of a 70-page court filing, is alleged to show Jan Crouch holding what was then believed a deathbed letter from her husband granting control of the empire to Matthew. The look on Momma's face is portrayed by the plaintiffs as her ecstasy over that development. Just add some Wicked Witch of the West cackling . . .

Hey, as Paul Crouch Sr. (Jock Ewing) fades into the sunset, his sons Matthew (Bobby Ewing) and Paul Jr. (J.R. Ewing) seek control of TBN (Southfork), while Jan (Miss Ellie) watches her family crumble around her. Didn't a young Lucy Ewing (Carra) get raped, too? Maybe the makers of Dallas have been basing the whole thing on the Crouch family feud.

Ah, well, before the end credits roll, let's take another look at that opener page photo . . .

. . . Anyone else reminded of those blow-up sex dolls on Garden Grove Boulevard's smut row?

I mean, am told, such products are sold there.

OK, back to 1 Timothy 5:8.

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