What the hell's going on at the Long Beach Police Department. Reports Nancy “Ride, Nancy” Wride, in today's LA “By God” Times, the LBC fuzz is missing more than a quarter of its shotguns and Lord knows how many revolvers. It just brings to mind a drab, cluttered squad room ala Barney Miller, only instead of piles of old newspapers, Styrofoam cups of Nick's undrinkable coffee and Fish's teeth, there were piles and piles various models of unattended firearms just lying all around. They probably even left them out for the community open house, sponsored by the Long Beach Press Telegram to show everyone how all those alarming crime statistics are overblown by those media outlets who don't protect Long Beach's image like a March of the Penguins parental unit. Then, three weeks after that stale-Dutch-cookies-and-weak-Stater Bros.-fruit-punch affair, some Watch Commander ambled in, trying not to drop his Big Gulp, bear claw and Racing Form, and said to no one in particular, “Gee, what happened to the guns?” After the usual know-nothing shrugs from a disinterested desk officer, the WC then took a big bite out of his heart-disease enabler, chugged a lugga java and then retreated to the Men's to render his daily “briefing,” if you catch our drift. And a city by the sea shook in fear . . .