[Editor’s Note: Quick Questions is our semi-regular feature where we ask comedians a ton of random questions without giving them time to think of anything funny to say. Surprisingly, they still do.]
As you all know by now, we get a lot of satisfaction in our “homegrown talent.” So watching Grant Cotter go from a local OC comic to a TV jokester has been kinda awesome. We’ve also watched him hone his storytelling skills and the way he kills em’ with crowd work, well, we like it. A lot. And since over the years we’ve clearly followed along with his ever evolving career, we wanted to dissect him in a way we haven’t quite yet. With our “Quick Questions.” Cotter will be headlining at the Irvine Improv for one night only this Wednesday, so we figured there was no better time to do it. Strap in folks.
OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): What was the worst date that you’ve ever been on?
Grant Cotter: One time I lied to a girl and said, “Yeah I go hiking all the time.” I showed up the next day dressed like a middle school PE student ready to walk on a trail. She showed up with a camel back and desert fatigues. Five minutes into the hike I’m drenched in sweat, out of breath, and pissed I had no service to tweet about my misfortunes. It’s really hard to hook up with a chick who sees you at your worst first.
What’s one fashion trend you hope to never see again? These man buns are killing the game right now. Someone needs to tell these dudes it’s OK to not have a man bun. Nothing sadder than when you see a guy with super short hair trying to pull off that man bun. It’s like, yo be patient homie. Just wait for your hair to grow and you can look like a douche in a bit.
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever bought on-line? I saw that you could buy just about everything on eBay so I went through an E-bay phase. There is this graffiti artist I like named NeckFace so I bought an original piece of his. It was a children’s baby doll that he tagged all over and drew monsters on. At the time I thought it was cool but when I got it, I didn’t realize how creepy it would be. Like, I’m a grown man with a baby doll in my room and I know it’s art but anyone who comes over just sees this fucked up baby doll with shit drawn all over it.
I’ve seen a couple of Periscopes with you and a dog. What’s it like having a transgender pup? Well we live in Hollywood where everyone has the opportunity to be themselves. The dog is male but he identifies as a female. Some days he’s Doogal and some days he’s Janessa. Depends on what outfit Doogal/Janessa is wearing that day.
What do you spend most of your money on? I probably spend most of my money on rent or late night visits to 7-11 for snacks. Or hoverboards and vape pens. But mostly rent. And way too many 7-11 visits.
Wrong! The correct answer is Starbucks. Who would you kill to sit next to on a flight? My dream passenger on a fight? Is this a loaded question? Are you saying that comedy isn’t gonna work out for me and I have to get a job flying planes to survive? Am I paranoid? Ok. Probably Orville or Wilbur Wright. It would be rad to get on a modern day 747 with them and ask them- yo when you invented this airplane shit did you imagine they’d be charging $14.95 for some wack ass chicken Caesar wrap?
What is your favorite way of wasting time? I spend hours walking down Hollywood Blvd taking pictures and talking to all the homeless superheroes and scientologists. The scientologists aren’t homeless they are just sprinkled in with the chubby Spiderman and Jack Sparrow’s.
How often do you Google yourself? I google myself everyday just to make sure Google is working as hard as they can be.
How often do you Google me? I have never googled the word “me.”
Fair enough. If you could make one thing illegal, what would you pick? I’m all about making Donald Trump’s hair illegal. It’s like a magic trick. You know it’s not real but, you don’t know how it’s not real. Like, is he tricking me out? What’s going on? No man’s hair should make me feel the way Donald Trump’s hair makes me feel. It also looks like it would be great kindling to start a fire.
It is truly awful. If you had to send one person to hell, who would it be? Hell, California? Or do you mean that other hell that might not be real? Sending someone to Hell CA would probably be pretty bad too. Just sounds like it would be a horrific seven-hour Greyhound bus ride where tweekers are gambling with scratchers and smoking re-lit menthol cigarettes on the bus while the driver drinks a Four Loko and a baby screams next to you.
Heavenly. Can you give me some dating advice? Quit dating bartenders and I think your life would be better.
Hilarious. What is your go-to porn site? www.OCWeekly.com
Same. Super sexy stuff. What’s something you plan on accomplishing this year because you didn’t last year? Grow a man bun.
OMG I’ll kill you. How often do you forget about Dre? I’m a white kid from a cul-de-sac who had a bowl cut and a mullet for a questionable number of years in my youth. I NEVER FORGET ABOUT DRE.
I had no idea how passionate you were about him but I totally get it now. My bad. OK, give our readers five reasons they should come out to see you on the 20th.
1- Because when I was 15 Robert Downey Jr bought me a case of beer while he was wearing a chinchilla fur coat.
2- I give spicy food heart burn.
3- Moments of my childhood were turbulent causing me to use humor as an icebreaker/defense mechanism.
4- Because we already found out Kylo Ren is a little bitch and you can download The Revenant online so there is no reason to go to the movies.
5- Because one time I bought Todd Bridges a $3.99 steak dinner at 4am.
Grab your tickets now to see Grant Cotter at the Irvine Improv this Wednesday January 20th, 31 Fortune Drive Irvine, CA 92618, (949) 854-5455. For tickets go to www.Improv.com and you can also score comp tickets by using the promo code “SOCAL.” For more on Grant, check out his website www.GrantCotter.com, becomes a fan on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter @GrantCotter.
Ali Lerman knows much about comedy, basketball, and celebrating Wu-Tang Wednesday. She’s been writing for sixteen years and still calls her mom with grammatical questions.