Five Songs to Make Out to in Your Car According to Ralphie May

Comedian Ralphie May is a favorite of ours and since we already know so much about the big man, we wanted to get his take on something a little more personal. A little advice if you will. Ralphie has a hilarious bit in his set where he talks about a certain song along with a side of “digital penetration” while in the car so we decided to take it a bit further. We figured there had to be a few more songs that would be appropriate to make some sweet love to while in your vehicle and as it turns out, we were totally right. So before you grab tickets to catch his show at the Brea Improv this weekend, we got May's picks for “Five Songs to Make Out in Your Car To.” Feel free to use them at your discretion on the way to or from his show.


5- Queen, “Bohemian Rhapsody”

You gotta go with “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen because of the sheer length of the song, you know what I mean? There are also so many dramatic places in this song and everybody knows the words so you can change up the rhythm at any time. You can kind of synchronize your session so it would be really great to go with this Queen song.

4- Led Zeppelin, “Stairway to Heaven”

I have to say Led Zeppelin because in the immortal words of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, chicks dig Led Zeppelin. You gotta go with “Stairway to Heaven” here because if you are gonna finger bang, let's get it on! It's like, I don't even know what the fuck a “hedgerow” is but after hearing this song, I know I want one!

3- The Outfield, “Your Love”

For me, I lean to the '80s because that's when I was making out in my car so “Your Love” is great. “Josie's on a vacation far away, come around and talk it over!” That's a classic song. It's a weird song because he saying how he needs you love tonight even though he likes his girls a little bit older. It's a crazy thing when you think about it in life because it's like he's saying, you're too young and hot and that pussy is too tight. Normally I like it a little more beat the fuck up. [Laughs.] At the end of the night he's drawing that distinction and saying, I like you the way you are in direct opposition to what society says we should like. So I guess it's kind of a nice thing. And what guy doesn't want to use your love? I'm trying to get my dick in there and rub it around! It's like, how can you not want to do that?


2- Bon Jovi, “Livin' On A Prayer”

Oh man, you have to go with “Livin' On A Prayer!” You have to! I mean, it was 28 weeks at number one and even black people know that song! I mean, Ghostface Killah told me even he knows that song! That's how strong this song is! It would be fucking amazing to see Ghostface Killah do karaoke to this song, that actually might be a new thing for me.

1- Journey, “Don't Stop Believin'”

Number one has to be Journey because more chicks have cum to Journey than they have with vibrators. [Laughs.] That's just the truth! Journey is the pinnacle but which song do you pick? There is “Faithfully” with “Highway run, into the midnight sun” and that's a good one for me because I'm on the fucking road all of the time. I think if you're going to go to the top though, you have to go with “Don't Stop Believin'.” Any Journey song will do in a pinch though, trust me. It works! Oh my god, if you have the whole album in the car? You're pulling over and fucking! If you can go for a long time though, you might want to pick up their greatest hits album.

Ralphie May performs at the Brea Improv March 6th through 9th, 120 South Brea Blvd. 92821, (714) 482-0700. For tickets go to Grab some amazing merch and check out upcoming dates for his “Filthy Animal Tour” on his website and follow him on Twitter: @Ralphie_May.

See also:
Steve-O Found a Way to Work Manginas Into His Stand-Up Comedy
10 Douchiest Guitarists of All Time
10 Douchiest Drummers of All Time

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