Hey, it happens to the best of us. We screw the wrong person and in the morning, the regret is unbearable. And let's be honest, the walk of shame is the least of your worries because once you get home, you become one with your thoughts. All alone. What do you do from there? Do you tell your friends? Do you “sub-tweet” your misery and then troll for “favorites” from people that might be in the same boat as you? Do you Facebook stalk? How about “none of the above” instead!
It's been proven that in the worst and best of times music helps so after you take a shower (seriously, wash that remorse off), try pumping up these jams and you will be back to normal in an instant. Well, you might not be back to “normal” but who the fuck is normal anyway these days? After all, you can't call and cry to your mommy so what else are you going to do? Our suggestion is to crank up this shit, grab a beer, bag of chips, or maybe some Ben and Jerry's and attempt to laugh it off. Listen, you really aren't alone. Okay, all better now?
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5. “Don't Fence Me In,” The Killers
Sometimes after a long night of sin you need a cheerful and optimistic song to lift those hung over spirits. Our favorite line in this song is, “Just turn me loose, let me straddle my old saddle,” and while we're pretty sure that the lyrics don't mean exactly what you were straddling last night, the fact remains that you don't need to be fenced in. You got out and you got wild, so don't beat yourself up. Chances are you got enough beating up last night anyway. Pun intended.
4. “I Won't Complain,” Rev. Paul Jones
We know it is kind of odd to throw a “church” song into the mix but while you're praying to the porcelain god, why not ask for a little forgiveness while you're down there. You can only judge yourself (although depending on just how loud you were last night, the neighbors might judge you too) but like the songs says, “I've had some good days, I've had some hills to climb.” And isn't that just how you're feeling inside right now? Screw that. You got yours last night so wipe those unnecessary tears away and forget how slutty you were. God forgives anyway.
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3. “Makes Me Wonder,” Maroon 5
Pretty much spot on with how you may be feeling the morning after Levine croons, “I wake up with blood-shot eyes, struggled to memorize. The way it felt between your thighs.” See, even he gets it. He also waxes poetic with, “It feels so good to be bad, not worth the aftermath” meaning this should really be a lesson and yet sometimes, you need to learn a lesson multiple times before you really get it. The point here is, crank up this upbeat song and don't even give a shit. You got what you wanted whether it was a “pump and dump” or whether it was a moment of fun the night before. Whichever it was just remember this, you weren't sexing up Adam Levine or one of the hot chicks he puts in his videos so if that doesn't remind you to smile because you can always “do” better on your next go-round, nothing will.
2. “Boulevard of Broken Dreams,” Green Day
While you walk down the lonely road on “Walk of Shame” boulevard, it should be a calming feeling to know that you aren't alone. Well, you are, but just for the moment. Keep your evening to yourself or share it with your bestie. Hey, it's up to you and also, it matters how sexy that last night fling was. What Billy Joe says rings true in a regretful situation but it's also good to know that this feeling too shall pass. “Read between the lines, what's fucked up and everything's all right. Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive, and I walk alone.” Yep, you're still alive so wipe those tears and calm the fuck down.
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1. “Return of the Mack,” Mark Morrison
We pretty much feel like this (awful) song is self-explanatory. There is nothing else to do but get back on that preverbal horse and have the confidence to ride again. Allow Mark Morrison, one of our favorite mid '90s one-hit wonders, to show you the ways of returning to the world of trying again after that “one-hit” evening. He even admits, “Yes, I cried, yes, I cried” so stop your bitching and feeling awful because more than likely, this will happen again. So cut the shit and go easy on yourself would ya? Oh, and keep this list handy for the next time.
See also:
10 Jazz Albums to Listen to Before You Die
25 Greatest Orange County Bands of All Time
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Ali Lerman knows much about comedy, basketball, and celebrating Wu-Tang Wednesday. She’s been writing for sixteen years and still calls her mom with grammatical questions.