Ahhh the life of a rap star. Rappers have the pleasure of entertaining the masses if they are lucky enough to become mainstream but what goes on behind the scenes, well that can be even more interesting than a politician embroiled in a sex scandal. While a lot of these artists' lives have a similar beginning, what happens in the middle and sometimes sadly, at the end, can be pure magic.The recent news that a musical inspired by the life of Tupac Shakur is bound for Broadway got us thinking: What other rapper's lives deserve to be adapted for the stage? With that in mind, take a seat and check out the “Five Rappers Lives We'd Like to See Turned Into Musicals.”
5. Heavy D: “Bigger Isn't Always Better.”
After Heavy D's untimely passing in 2011, we've been missing his larger-than-life persona. Starting off this stage play in New York circa the early 90's, “Bigger Isn't Always Better” is a story of hitting the big time while literally being one of the biggest rappers in the game. Makes sense right? It would feature ample dance numbers, a Michael and Janet Jackson impersonator (played by the same person), and would pull at your heart strings with the death of Heavy's back-up dancer Trouble T Roy (R.I.P.) and later, of Heavy D himself. On the bright side (literally), the cast would wear tons of radiantly colored plastic jumpsuits and we're sure you'd all be looking forward to the scene titled “Waterbed Hev.”
4. Sean Combs: “Can't Nobody Hold Me Down.”
P. Diddy aka Puff Daddy aka Puffy aka Sean Combs's life was made for the stage. Mr. Combs is one hardworking and dedicated mofo so you could only expect “Can't Nobody Hold Me Down” to be an epic show complete with pyrotechnics, a multi-million dollar budget, and shiny suits galore. Especially during the MA$E portion. Faith Evans could also play herself in the “Notorious B.I.G. scenes” as well as belt out a moving rendition of “I'll Be Missing You” because let's be honest, she could probably use the work these days. Actually, the whole cast from “Making The Band” might want to audition for roles as themselves also.
3. AMG: "Bitch Betta Haveth My Money.”
AMG hit his stride back in the early '90s and while we are big fans of his, we think a theatrical stage play of his life could possibly help revive his career since it's pretty much dead in the water at this point. Staring as himself, AMG's "Bitch Betta Haveth My Money” would be a tale of making something out of nothing, hustling in the streets of Inglewood, and of course, bitch's (or lovely young ladies) having his money. AMG is known to have a great sense of humor and we're not saying that this would be a comedy but still, there would be laughs to have which would keep it lively as well as make AMG that much more loveable. This production could also resuscitate a lot of "video ho's” careers as well because there would be casting-a-plenty for the musical numbers of "Jiggable Pie,” "Butt Booty Naked,” and "Can You Work With That.” Sounds like a total win/win to us.
2. Lil Kim: "I Was The First Kim.”
From being the other woman in a relationship with Notorious B.I.G. to paving the way for female rappers (yes, we're talking to you Nicki Minaj), "I Was the First Kim” would no doubt please crowds from the old school to even older school. With plenty of flashy and trashy wardrobe changes, nudity (think fake titties popping out), sex-fueled lyrics with fantastic beats, and multiple cast changes, Kim's life plays out to "play” perfection. That being said, the lead role of Lil Kim would have to be played by several different women due to Kim's ever-changing appearance and if we had it our way, "Junior M.A.F.I.A” would all be played by themselves because really, WTF are they doing right about now anyway?
1. Ol' Dirty Bastard- "From ODB to EBT.”
Taking place in good "ol” S.I., N.Y. (otherwise known as Staten Island, New York), Brooklyn native and deceased Wu-Tang Clan member Ol' Dirty Bastard's theater production "From ODB to EBT” would most certainly need a NC-17 rating. Anyone who "likes it raw” would be elated to see this tale of coming up in the rap game with his boys Method Man, RZA, and GZA among many, many, many others. (Wu-Tang Clan rolls deep in case you forgot.) The crowd would mos def sing along to "Shimmy Shimmy Ya,” "Got Your Money” and "Brooklyn Zoo” as well as try hard not to pass judgment on the laundry list of legal drama that would unfold. Of course nothing makes the tears flow like the birth of a child and since ODB had thirteen kids, tissues should probably be passed out upon arrival for those scenes as well as for the death scene that would take place two days before his 36th birthday. Wu-Tang for life.