Eight Days

Thurs/March 17 Hi, this is MattCokerfor RebeccaSchoenkopfon this item only. Why? Because when I opened Eight Days on my computer, there was the date above (Thurs/March 17: see above) but no goddamn copy. Whassupwiththat?you may be asking yourself. I asked the exact same thing in that same tone of voice you just used! Because without any item here, it's really only Seven Days, but we'd still be calling it Eight Days because that's what it says above (see above; above Thurs/March 17), and then we'd get our butts sued for false advertising, and the paper would have to shut down to pay off all those dearreaderswe misled, and I'd be out of a job, and I couldn't pay my mounting meth bills (because ALL of us originally from the 909 snort the meth or make the meth or in most cases snort the meth while making the meth—and the meth babies). And the Communist One? Oh, she'll come out just swell, probably getting a job over at the Rag,which would make it much easier for Slappy Mickadeit(see Fri below; no, the one under the first one) to mine things from her for his “column.” Which I really have no right putting in quotes because I've heard great things about it (see Commie Girl or Eight Days every friggin' week, except the SlappyKedricweeks), but I really don't know if I'd like it since I don't get the Rag(physically or metaphysically) because they kept delivering it to my house and billing me, even though I never ordered it, which after the 178th time this happened, forced me to go all the way to Slappy's boss Hans Christian Anderson, whose name I shouldn't really mess with seeing as how he was nice enough to get his head circulation guy (forgot his name; very nice) to finally, once and for all, see to it the Ragwould never darken my meth lab again. Besides, I may be calling on those fine folks soon seeing as how Becca just got this whole paper shuttered. Thanks a lot, Commie! Okay, back to R.S.:

Fri What did we do before Alex'scame along? I mean, not me particularly 'cause I don't head out there that often. But following last week's punk rock karaoke, now Alex is hosting NewWaveKaraokewith Mr. Miyagi. I'll be the one singing “Human”by Human League. Or, you know, one of the seven singing “Human” by Human League. Better brush up on it, Mr. Miyagi! 9 p.m. Free. 21+. Alex'sBar,2913E.AnaheimBlvd.,LongBeach,(562)434-8292.

Older and more boring? Head over to the CHOC Folliesinstead, and watch the Register'sSlappy Mickadeitdressed up like a nelly pirate. When you buy your ticket, say he sent you, so he'll get the credit and DarkMistressGloriaZignerwill stop screaming at him. (While he says she yelled an “eight-letter word,” cocksuckerhas 10, so we're totally lost.) 8 p.m. $35-$125. GroveofAnaheim,2200E.KatellaAve.,Anaheim,(714)532-8690.

Sat Can't get in to see FloggingMolly?Oh, it's sosold-out! Well, comfort yourself with the fact that in a venue like the Mouse House of Blues, the people will start a-moshing like they did the last time I went to see X,and what should have been a mellow show of 40-year-olds instead was a bunch of assholes starting a pit, elbowing my breastesses, tearing my camisole, and kicking me in the knee. Instead, go see FoxyAutopsyand NewFiat J.KingNeptune's.They're fucking awesome, and it's not a big ol' cattlecar show. God, you're so individual like that! With Midwayand Santiago Steps. 9 p.m. $5. 21+. J. King Neptune's, 17115 Pacific Coast Hwy., Sunset Beach, (562) 592-4878.

OR! If you like your drunks even drunkier, head on down to SJCfor the Swallow'sDayParade.But don't even think you're getting into the SwallowsInn.Unless you're like 50 and not wearing your top.

Sun I could send you to Harry Anderson's World of Magic (3 p.m. $20-$40, at the Cerritos Center, 12700 Center Court Dr., Cerritos, (800) 300-4345; www.cerritoscenter.com), and I bet it would be pretty delightful! But I'm a betting woman, and as such, I'm betting on sun. So why don't you grab a bucket of KFC,corral up your snot-nosed kids, and head to the beach? I know! It's been sooo long! (Please to watch out for e. coli.)

Mon So after all these Monday nights of me telling you to grout your tiles, Mary Reillyinforms me that on Mondays, she drinks at Detroit!Shouldn't you drink with her? Okay! Meanwhile, get serenaded by the stylings of DJBoredFeminist,playing with ParttheCloudsand ColoredShadows.Oh, you crazy kids! Free! Detroit,843W.19thSt.,CostaMesa,(949)642-0600.

Tues People really like TheLion King even though it totally includes those EltonJohnand TimRicesongs “CanYouFeeltheLoveTonight”and “CircleofLife.”Bleeeech! Still, I'm taking my kid to this one. He's like that. 8 p.m. Through April 24. $23-$127. Orange County Performing Arts Center, Segerstrom Hall, 600 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-2787; www.ocpac.org.

Wed Join up with the Patrick Henry Democratic Clubfor a little speechy-speech by AssemblymanTomUmberg.He back from the Reservesalready? Hoo-ah! 7:30 p.m. Coco's Restaurant, 14971 Holt Ave., Tustin;PatrickHenryThinkTank.org.

Thurs/March 24 Be the coolest kid on the block—please!—and go see ShonenKnife.This would really, really make me feel better because I don't know what Mary Reilly is talking about when she says things like “Part the Clouds” and “Colored Shadows.” With TheGoreGoreGirlsand TheForty-Fives.8 p.m. $12.50-$15 (and if that was a misprint, it was the best misprint ever!). All ages. Galaxy Concert Theatre, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; www.galaxytheatre.com.

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