A retired Chicago-area cop admitted in court today he flashed a clipboard, holstered 9mm gun
and badge on his waistband to Lake Forest day spa workers undergoing his phony “inspection”–and then went on to strip naked, demand a massage and, when he did not get his requested happy ending, ordered $200 payment for his “services.” Edward Justin La Porte of Mission Viejo was today sentenced under a court offer to six months in jail, over the objection of the Orange County District Attorney's office, which wanted the 48-year-old horndog to do a year.
La Porte walked into Golden Spa on Muirlands Boulevard in late January 2011 and told the manager he was making a spot inspection due to customer complaints. His gear and demeanor looked legit, so the manager complied.
But, a few minutes into his check, La Porte whined that his back and
shoulder ached and requested a massage. A strange request, sure, especially without an appointment, but the manager allowed that, too.
By the time a female masseuse walked into the massage room,
La Porte was already naked and face down on the table. After getting his back rubbed, the fake cop flipped over and demanded that she continue on his front side.
That request was denied.
The manager told La Porte Golden Spa is not that kind of spa. The supposed inspector then dressed, retrieved his clipboard and resumed looking around before eventually demanding $200 for his services while paying nothing for the rubdown.
The manager found this really beyond the norm and called the city licensing
department to inquire about complaints against his business. There were
none, responded a city official who then rushed over to confront
The ex-cop told the city official he didn't have to explain himself to anyone before running over to his car and driving off. But a masseuse got into her car,
followed him and got his license-plate number, which was forwarded to
the Orange County Sheriff's Department.
Vice investigators served a search warrant at
La Porte's Ladera Drive home and found handcuffs, a metal clipboard, a
loaded 9 mm handgun in a holster and two loaded ammunition clips. The badge was from the
police force in Arlington Heights, which is about 25 miles outside
Chicago and where La Porte was an officer from 1997 to 2001.
His real occupation at the time of his arrest was “security,” so La Porte was booked on suspicion of
burglary and impersonating a police officer. He spent a night in jail. Besides being sentenced to six more months there, the judge today gave La Porte three years of probation after he copped to to one felony count of second degree commercial burglary, two
misdemeanor counts of misrepresenting oneself as a peace officer, and
one felony count each of having a concealed firearm on a defendant's
person, and carrying a loaded firearm in public.
Hopefully, La Porte will emerge from this shameful experience a better man, ready to get on with a life of rich spiritual fulfillment. But should he again require legal services, we have a recommendation: Ellen Anise Rowland.
Check that: the Elk Grove 56-year-old is scheduled to be arraigned today on charges she impersonated an
attorney to an Orange County Jail inmate. She allegedly accepted $1,700 from the father of an inmate, spoke to a man in custody in an interview booth and, when asked by a deputy jailer for valid identification, gave the name “Ellen Williams” and a state bar number
belonging to an actual licensed attorney without that attorney's
knowledge or consent.
Rowland is also accused of felony drug possession because deputies say they found 11 Vicodin pills inside her car for which she did not have a prescription. Betcha black market Vicodin would soothe poor ol' Eddie La Porte's aching back. And, who knows? Maybe Rowland gives great massages, even to middle-aged men going full frontal.
Of course, the ex-cop may have to wait a spell since a conviction might send Rowland to state prison for four years.
Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the paper’s first calendar editor. He went on to be managing editor, executive editor and is now senior staff writer.