Coachella-Inspired Furniture: Seriously, Is There Anything Less Cool?

Every year breeds new evidence that Coachella is losing its edge. But even with a gradual increase in AARP-eligible performers, we’re not just talking about the festival itself—we’re talking about the capitalist frenzy that surrounds it. Every aspect of Coachella culture is becoming cutely commodified for yuppies. This year, Crate&Barrel made sure that not even your home décor is immune.

Recently, the modern furniture retail chain—along with its hip younger sister CB2—devised a way to turn your living room into an overpriced, desert cabana just in time for festival season. Their new line of Coachella-inspired furniture just hit the market, reminding us that nothing screams “I’m ready to see Guns N’ Roses!” like some color coordinated throw pillows.

Check out this bit from the press release:

“As we prepare to head to the land of fringe and boho chic, a la Coachella, Crate and Barrel and CB2 have identified the home décor trends that can also be found dominating festival fields this summer.”

Wait a second! How the hell are “home décor trends” dominating the festival fields? In Coachella’s case, maybe they’re alluding to that performance art prison where that group of hippos are now forced to live every year. Festival organizers could definitely afford to fix it up a little nicer in there for them. Anyway, read on..

“The glistening sea of celebrities, hipsters, and musicians lends itself to textured fabrics, tie dye prints, flowy florals, and vintage-inspired pieces that will make it easy to bring the festival home with you. From the Crate and Barrel Shelby Orange throw and Red Picnic Cooler to the CB2 Sway Desktop Mobile and Triad Cabinet, we can get any space festival ready!”

Ready for what? Live streaming it in the den on your laptop? Yeah, you might be staring at a three-inch version of Axl Rose on your MacBook Air, but owning a $99 braided fringe wall hanging will definitely make you feel like you’re in the crowd.

Also, remember when “bringing the festival home with you” meant returning from the polo fields with a wicked hangover and a mild venereal disease? Now apparently it’s code for beige blankets, “Triad Cabinets” and see-through storage boxes that cost $479 (a perfect place to hide your drug stash, right?). Not saying wealthy urbanites don’t deserve comfort when they come down for Coachella. But there’s a fine line between being comfortable and being soft. And if you put as much thought into the furniture choices for your condo in Indian Wells as you’re putting into your decisions on how much weed to bring or which bands to see, then maybe you really are too old for this festival. 

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