Through top-secret Army intelligence de-coding methods, a source working exclusively for Navel Gazing has uncovered a shocking revelation in President Barack Obama's Certificate of Live Birth from Hawaii.
Rather than come right out and say what the secret message is contained on the form no one knew existed until yesterday, we'll allow viewers at home to find it themselves–after the jump . . .
Our source, let's just call him “Shallow Larynx,” asks that you jot down the following letters from the form above:
Line 1B . . . 1st letter on the line.
Line 1B . . . 5th letter on the line.
Line 5A . . . Subtract the 3rd number from the 2nd number of the birth year; the remainder equals the letter in chronological order in the alphabet. Example: 7 represents G.
Line 6A . . . 1st letter on the line.
Line 6B . . . 1st letter on the line.
Line 6C . . . 13th letter on the line.
Line 6C . . . 21st letter on the line. (Important Tip: Don't count the ampersand.)
Line 7D . . . Add the 1st and last numbers from the address and see which letter of the alphabet it represents.
Line 7D . . . 12th letter on the line.
Line 9 . . . 7th letter on the line.
Line 12B . . . 10th letter on the line.
Line 13 . . . 3rd letter on the line.
In case you messed up the first time as yours truly did, the answer follows on the next page:
I checked with Gustavo, and he told me that translates to "Made in Kenya.” When I looked at him blankly, he explained the secret message means Obama was created in Kenya, not Hawaii. When I still looked at him blankly, he told me to get out of his office.
Surely the alarm bells must be ringing like Good Friday church bells in Laguna Niguel, the worldwide HQ of OrlyTaitzEsq.com. And how dastardly the Obama Conspiracy Machine is, leaving a blatant clue in Spanish back in 1961, before there even were Mexicans. (Honest, I've checked all the TV shows from back then; can't find a single one except for Jose Jimenez.)
Methinks it must've also been the OCM that put those Barack Hussein Obama birth notices in Hawaiian newspapers back in '61–via air mail from Kenya with a stopover in Indonesia, of course.
The plot, like a teabagger conga line, thickens!