You are not the first, but you are definitely among the ever-increasing numbers of totally inconsiderate people who are ruining the beach with your solipsistic stupidity! You wear earbuds and talk on the phone so effing loud that you actually drown out the waves and wind and birds and all of nature with your idiotic blather. If you have to work, go work where I don’t have to hear you. If you are incapable of walking alone without running your mouth in a vain attempt to escape your thoughts, get a treadmill and use it in the privacy of your own home and yak away. Even when I yell, “Shut up, shut up, shut up,” you are so loud and self-involved you don’t even hear me!
Email anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to firstname.lastname@example.org.