!Ask a Mexican!

Illustration by Mark DancyDear Mexican,

Why do Mexicans love public restrooms so much? It seems like any one you visit in SoCal has a minivan-load of Mexicans waiting to get into it. Also, why do Mexicans wipe after a No. 2 and then throw the crappy toilet paper into the trash can rather than flushing it away? So gross! Let's try to put an end to that madness.


Dear Gabacho,

¡Felicidades! You have just stumbled upon the most surefire way to tell if a Mexican is fresh from the border—or, as Mexicans who have lived in this country for years like to describe them, “Si tienen un nopal en la frente” (“If they have a cactus growing from their forehead”)! See, flushing toilets remain a novelty in rural Mexico, so Mexicans new to this country treat public restrooms with the same anticipatory awe Japanese tourists save for the Matterhorn—hence, the long lines. Regarding the popó-gunked Charmin: those precious few ranchos that do have indoor plumbing suffer from inferior pipes installed on the cheap by Mexico's government. Anything heavier than last night's menudo would rupture the sewage system and ruin the rancho's water supply, so used toilet paper must go in the wastebasket. Nopal-wearing Mexicans keep this tradition long after emigrating here, though . . . can you do me a favor, gabacho, and tell nopaleros that here in los Estados Unidos, we're much more sophisticated with our No. 2—we flush it into the ocean.

Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at ga*******@oc******.com. However, the Mexican won't answer questions next week—he needs to cook tamales for the January run across the border.

6 Replies to “!Ask a Mexican!”

  1. Alot of Mexicans been living in U.S. for years and STILL throw the used shit paper in the garbage can..right next to where u yourself are trying to shit as well!! They should know by now that our toilets can handle t.p….i think they do it out of some kind of spite…filthy bastards!!

  2. I work at a church and would like to put polite signage in the restrooms reminding our guests from Mexico to (please!) flush their used toilet tissue. Can you suggest some gender-free Spanish that will work in all the restrooms?

    I will ask elsewhere how to prevent old people from flushing their Depends.

    the Chupa Pinta

  3. Why wont u guys take a our own country back instead invading mine ? Its obvious the white man came up with laws and followed through, look around the world with out white you don’t have rule of law and I want to know why ?

  4. Take back your country grow some balls oh the US did it against the most powerful government in the world at the time what is your excuse

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