Dear Backer of a Proposed Restaurant in Orange County:
I talked to your chef about his plans to partner with your company to open the restaurant of his dreams. Congratulations on subscribing to his audacious vision–it might seem strange, but the guy is one talented mensch whom we at the Weekly have long admired. Just throw money at him, and I guarantee you'll make it all back and then some–and, more importantly, bring attention to your master project.
One thing does bother me, though: you want to take up some of his space with a hookah lounge? I don't like using Internet-inspired shorthand, but this one deserves it: MASSIVE FAIL.
Guys: hookahs outside of Little Arabia are so 2005. Hookahs are fun, sure, even appealing, but they would massively clash with your chef's vision–a Samuel P. Huntington clash-of-civilizations clash. Every critic who'd go into the proposed restaurant and rave about the food would note the anomaly that is the hookah lounge, and laugh. It adds nothing to the restaurant, and will only distract.
I'm not going to name any parties yet, because I know the process is secretive. But I also know ustedes read this infernal blog and, though you may not like me much personally, know that this is coming from a rational spot in my mind and from the enthusiasm I have for the chef. Believe in him; boot your hipster aspirations to the street. PLEASE.
Readers: my apologies for this post, but it had to be done. And trust me: if said restaurant ever does come out, it's going to draw national attention. Y'all can guess who am I addressing this to, but you will draw no affirmations or denials from me…for the first 20 comments.