An Open Letter to Mark Davis, Owner of the Oakland Orange County Raiders

Mark Davis
7000 Coliseum Way
Oakland, CA 94621
Dear Al Jr.,

I know your team withdrew its bid to move to Carson after your fellow NFL owners shot down that plan shortly before it was announced the Rams and, possibly, Chargers will be moving to Hollywood Park in Inglewood.

I am sure you still desire a move south, despite the ghost of Pete Rozelle continuing to shit on the ghost of daddy Al Davis.

So, as a near lifelong fan of the Oakland/Los Angeles/Oakland 2.0 Raiders, as witnessed here …

Silver and Black Like Me

… and a half-a-lifetime resident of Orange County, allow me to be the first to invite the Silver and Black to the County of Orange.

An open letter is too short of a forum to detail all the reasons the Raiders and OC would make a swell fit, so let me cut to some key reasons:

1) Name: Orange County is the proud home of thugs, corporate raiders and thuggish corporate raiders, so the name still makes sense.

2) Land: The Tustin blimp hangars could easily accommodate a stadium, a parking lot and the blackest of holes. Anaheim seems to be cramming all kinds of things next to the Big A; hell, why not add another 80,000-seat stadium to the mix? I would mention the Great Park of Irvine, but leaders there seem hellbent on preventing any type of pro sports field from being built there, otherwise they’d have ‘em by now.

3) Wide-open Market: Orange County strongly supports a professional baseball team, a professional hockey team and only one other professional football team, Mater Dei High School, who I am sure the Raiders would beat two out of three times.

4) Built-in Fan Base: Believe it or not, there are Raider bars, booster clubs and even a Raider Nation ministry flourishing in Orange County. Bonus: Our gang members love Raider jerseys.

5) Money, money, money: We’re loaded down here. How much so? Well let me put it this way: the Los Angelenos who will be going to Rams and Chargers games work for Orange Countians or companies owned by Orange Countians or companies about to be shut down and moved to China by Orange Countians (see No. 1).

6) Your fans and players will love our cushy private jail cells. Free HBO!

Again, these are but a few of the reasons you and we need the make the Orange County Raiders a reality. We’ll even let your latest “rebuilding” program take hold without complaining much about the losses. (For now.) Hey, did you know Jim Otto was born in La Habra? No, don’t bother looking it up, just trust me, baby. 

Committed to Excellence, 


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