Hey, neighbor: No one on the block likes you. You never turn on your porch lights at night, you always park in a way that no other car can park in front of your house, and the only time people see you is when you scream at them to not let dogs even sniff your lawn. No one cares about the fancy BMW you park backward in your driveway, as if you’re getting ready to speed off at a moment’s notice—are you El Chapo or something? Houses in our neighborhood are fetching record prices; do us all a favor, and sell your place and move to Murrieta already.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to firstname.lastname@example.org.