MARK'S RESTAURANT, LAGUNA BEACH-In a thinly veiled public address, Laguna Hills investment banker Joe Beuchler spoke loudly into his cell phone Friday, detailing several of his most expensive possessions, including a beach house.
According to onlookers, Beuchler placed a 5:32 p.m. call on his Motorola Star Tac to a listener identified only as “Carl.” Speaking in an occasionally fluctuating stage whisper, Beuchler proceeded to reel off a litany of big-ticket purchases.
“You can have my luxury box at the Angels game tonight, Carl-I've got to drive the Beemer over to my beach house to make sure the brushed stainless-steel Weber gas grill is being installed properly,” Beuchler reportedly said. “For $7,500, you'd think they could put it in smoothly, but sometimes those guys screw up. Like when I had my ski chalet in Tahoe remodeled and I wasn't there for the installation of the six-person cedar-wrapped spa, and they accidentally smashed my 35-foot flat-screen Hitachi-you can never be too sure about service help.”
When not glancing at his diamond-encrusted Tag Heuer platinum watch, Beuchler scanned the bar, examining assorted females. He also occasionally glanced furtively at the mirror behind the liquor shelves, causing him to anxiously pat his thinning hair.
The six-minute conversation culminated with an amplified listing of Beuchler's potential future purchases, including a Mercedes 430 convertible “with the same sat-nav system that's on my Suburban.”
“I am just too busy for tonight's game,” Beuchler concluded. “Call me tomorrow-we can cruise to Catalina in my Chris-Craft.”
