Despite having worked at Disneyland years ago, I am not really up on all the recent changes to attractions at “The Happiest Place to Part With Your Mortgage Payment on Earth.”
But I swear it was not that long ago the lagoon surrounding the submarine ride was drained, and the attraction was closed for an extended time. Ah, well, it's already happening again.
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According to The Orange County Register, the submarine ride that opened with the park in 1959 closed in 1998 and reopened in 2007 as the Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage. It will close again Monday for a refurbishment that isn't expected to be completed until late 2014, the Mouse House recently announced.
Proving yet again these newfangled rides sure don't last like they used to. At least it won't be down for a decade this time. Meanwhile, here are five things I'd add to the ride:
1) Floating Plastic Island
It's just like the one in the Pacific, only the trash is totally composed of Disney dolls, wrappers and utensils.
2) Animatronic Orca
This beast does everything better than Shamu … without killing any trainers.
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3) Das Boot Submarine Voyage
Brace yourselves for this version of the underwater portion of the ride, as it lasts 293 minutes. But it's so damn compelling.
4) Daddy's Porthole
This “special” submarine window is fixed on a sleeping Ariel.
5) Suction Ducts
. . . To remove farts from guests who've sampled the Golden Horseshoe chili.
Email: mc****@oc******.com. Twitter: @MatthewTCoker. Follow OC Weekly on Twitter @ocweekly or on Facebook!
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.