As our man Kevin Short tells you here, Rick Warren, tweeted this week that his eyes “were severely burned by a toxic poison” during a gardening mishap that nearly blinded Saddleback Church's Purpose Driven® pastor.
We not only ain't buying this explanation–and by “we” I mean “Spencer Kornhaber,” “Gustavo Arellano,” “Megan Brescini” and “I”–we've come up with the following more plausible explanations for Warren temporarily going all Stevie Wonder on us.
He flashed back to that time backstage at his Lake Forest mega-church when he saw men kissing!
No! Men saddlebacking!
He's jealous of all the attention Glenn Beck is getting
since announcing that he may be going blind and thought he'd get in
on that eye action.
While deep in the Saddleback bowels, he forgot to turn away after opening the crate holding the Ark of the Covenant.
He didn't listen when his mama told him to knock it off or he'd go blind.