With Capistrano Unified School District teachers on strike, the lesson for the day for students in one class at San Juan Hills High School involved viewing Napoleon Dynamite. Those who scoff at that being a wasted educational opportunity are obviously oblivious to the rich life lessons contained in the 2004 film, including the following dozen.
1) You can detect onion patch in cow's milk.
2) If you're not careful on sand dunes, you can break your coccyx.
3) Lions and tigers can spawn ligers, bred for their skills in magic.
4) It's not a bad idea to get pretty good with a bow staff.
5) Wild honeymoon stallions can be tamed.
6) Japanese scientists explaced (actually, placed) explosive detonators
bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water.
7) Thankfully, Sir Cort
Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local
wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents
and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater
8) It can be a bitch trying to fit numchucks in your locker.
9) Talon length varies from chicken to chicken.
10) It may be possible to throw a football over mountains.
11) You can be trained to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma and the wisdom of a man.
12) Steer clear of cows with five nipples.
Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the paper’s first calendar editor. He went on to be managing editor, executive editor and is now senior staff writer.