In An Ode to Orange County, The Vulgar Chef Unleashes Doritos-Crusted Carne Asada Balls

Said balls
Said balls
Photo by Kyle Marcoux

Kyle Marcoux feeds the internet filthy, filthy food porn. Bacon cannoli gushing canned cheese like silly string. Cookie dough taco shells stuffed with melting ice cream. Big Macs dismantled and put back together as pseudo-sushi.

Operating under the title of The Vulgar Chef and nearly 60K Instagram followers deep, Marcoux popularized NSFW geotagging and captions to brand his work. A photo of a hash brown waffle lovingly topped with egg yolk? Geotagged as "i wipe side to side fuck off" and detailed as "I prefer the canned dog food looking trash has over some homemade waste of time cocksuckery... I can't wait to shit this out of my hairy light socket."

Bravo, sir.

You've probably seen his work dominating the nether regions of Instagram. Hey, you've probably locked yourself in your room, lit some candles and gotten down with his deep-fried smut. Still, there's not much that's known about the guy who before the greasy fame, passed on college to start a metal band and tour the country.

We got the chance to catch up The Vulgar Chef back in Massachusetts, thanks to the beauty of great wifi. Also, he was dope enough to humor us with a recipe for Doritos-Crusted Carne Asada Balls -- an ode to those 3AM SoCal munchies -- which you can find after the second page.

Where did you grow up? About 90 miles west of Boston.

What was the dinner table norm? Chicken. Tons of fucking chicken. My mother is a good cook but she always cooked chicken, and it wasn't like different chicken dishes, it was usually just baked chicken.

Is there a correlation between your mom's cooking and your desire to dole out Big Mac sushi? I'm not really sure if my upbringing is what gave me the desire to eat and create the shitty food. I think a lot of it comes from my time in Within The Ruins. I would watch tons of Food Network shows and highlight spots we were going to hit on our next tour. That combined with the availability of fast food on every fucking street corner we went.

What was tour food like? We ate a ton of good shit on tour. Home cooked meals, food carts you name it. I'd have to say my favorite were some street tacos in Mexico. I don't really remember what was on them but they were fucking delicious. Also, The Weiner's Circle in Chicago. The worst thing I ate? Little fucking Caesars. Fuck that place.

More on tour food and MySpace days: My eating game was strong as fuck. This was back in the MySpace age and I was really unfamiliar with the different foods around the country. So, I was able to try everything. In-N-Out, Hardee's, Whataburger, Voodoo doughnut you name it. Anything that wasn't available back home I ate.

What does your mom think about you moonlighting as The Vulgar Chef? She totally supports it. My whole family does. They think its great. They have supported me from day one with everything. Even coming home and saying "Hey mom, we bought a van and we're going to drive around the country" I think most parents would be like "Ummm what the fuck did you say?"

Obligatory question here. How often do you get the shits from the food you make? I have a surprisingly strong stomach considering the trash and alcohol I fill it with. Unless someone feeds me some pulled pork that they had left on their table all night, in which that case, I'll lay on my shower floor shitting blood and spend two days in the hospital. People always ask me if the food just "runs through me" and it really doesn't.

About the pulled pork: A co-worker had brought in some pulled pork left over from a 4th of July party, but forgot to tell everyone that he left it on a picnic table for 90 fucking hours. A bunch of us got sick but I was the lucky one in the hospital shitting blood for a few days.

On that note, if I was visiting your hometown, where would you recommend to grub? You would think a town host to a large University would have an abundance of food establishments, not the case here. Tons of fly by night pizza-grinder shops -- yeah I said grinder because that's what the fuck it's called -- and roughly 23 Dunkin Donuts. There are a few establishments doing it right. Two of my favorites are Two Rivers Burritos and Santiago's. Just a couple of white boys making some bomb ass burritos, and a small family run Spanish food joint.  

Were there certain joints you trolled in high school? For example, my friends and I would hang out at IHOP until 5am chatting with drag queens because Fresno. Not really. We did a ton of partying in the woods. Get drunk and dirty as fuck and hit McDonald's for a late night chicken selects. You have a pretty specific way of branding the Vulgar Chef, from your #eatlikeshit hashtag to mouthy geotagging. Have you had any copycats? I haven't stumbled across any copycats really. I mean Thug Kitchen does their thing, and fuck them and all, but I haven't seen anyone else doing exactly what I'm doing. I've noticed some other blogs starting to be a bit more profane with their posts and whatnot, but nothing to where I have to throw down on a full on shitty blog war.

The day job: I am an industrial athlete. A Machinist. Not a terrible job, but a pretty shitty job. Most of the people I work with are legit and dig the whole Vulgar Chef thang, so thats cool. Everyone else is a turd.

Long term goals for VC? Right now I'm focusing on profitability. I always said do this because it's fun for myself and my fans, and I don't care about money but it's turned into something I would love to take on full time. Unfortunately, that would mean leaving my job. If opportunities don't come up, I'm not fucking going anywhere. I'll still be here, potty mouth and shitty food.

What moves are you making towards becoming a profitable brand? For now just some merchandising. Shirts, looking to do some actual cooking utensils and shit like that. No one really wants to do business with me because of the whole "fuck you suck my holes" comments I tend to make, but fuck them.

What's your actual daily diet like? I eat everything I make, but NO I do not eat like this every day. I try to keep myself in some sort of shape other than round. A lot of salads, lean meats, and veggies. You can't fill this fucking machine with shitty fuel all the time. There has to be a balance. You have to take care of her. Keep her runnin' like a champ.

Fuck, Marry, Kill: Gordon Ramsay, Guy Fieri, Andrew Zimmerman Hahaha shit. Alright. Fuck Gordon Ramsay. He's intense and seems like he would be a hell of a lay. I have to Marry my dude Guy Fieri. Loved him since day one and he seems like a man I could tell my deepest darkest secrets. Kill Andrew Zimmerman. Although I'm a fan, I can't stand the way he says "gelatinous".

When you enter a supermarket, what order do you buy your groceries? I'm a train wreck at the grocery store. Just no real agenda. Up and down aisles like a fucking juggernaut. I pretty much walk around until I see an item that sparks an idea. Could be anything from baby food to windex.

Any words for the haters? Suck my crooked Canadian cock.

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