You Dumb Puck

You were the big knuckle-dragging oaf in line the other day at the Panda Express with an obvious distaste for children. I was a couple of people behind you, but close enough to see your Bauer cap, which made me wonder if you might be a hockey fan or even a player. I had my Ducks shirt on, and I do play, so I'm always interested in meeting others who love the game. I had every intention of making eye contact and maybe starting with a "Hey, I like your hat," but then you opened your mouth. After nearly stepping on one of the kids behind you, who was admittedly too close, you said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there since you're so short." Very calmly, her dad said, "They're just kids," at which point you reeled around and said, "Oh, no, I was apologizing because I couldn't see her there, and that's what adults do." You delivered all of this with an alpha male stare that burned holes through this poor guy's head. He and his wife looked at each other, completely puzzled, while you proceeded with your order consisting mainly of massive quantities of Angus beef. You need to eat some veggies, do some light stretches and calm the fuck down.


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >