O Come, All Ye Ass Muffins

Box Brown

You're the genius who decided to invite your entire family onto someone else's lawn for a holiday photo. Let me explain something: When you go into a neighborhood where all the residents have been kind enough to put up an extravagant light show for those of us who are either too lazy to do it or just can't bear the thought of an electric bill that looks as though it's a SAT score, it's sort of implied that you need to be on your best behavior. It may not look like it to you, but that border of giant candy canes around the edge of someone's lawn is meant to say, "Hey, numbnuts, keep off the fucking grass." Those residents are probably walking around the neighborhood, and what they really want to see are the shining faces of children enjoying their hard work, not the image of you and your brood squatting in their manger. I hope Rudolph pisses in your stocking, ass muffin.

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