Illustration by Bob AulSend anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to "Hey, You!" c/o OC Weekly, P.O. Box 10788, Costa Mesa, CA 92627-0247, or e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
You walked into the coffee shop that morning with a grimace on your face. I greeted you with a smile. I served you your usual—a cup of coffee and two muffins—and rang up $5.10 on the register. You handed me $6.10, and I (surprised at your unusual thoughtfulness) said, "Thank you." You abruptly replied, "How stupid of me" and reached for the dollar. I gave it back. You explained that you disapprove of tipping someone for "just pouring a cup of coffee." I shrugged my shoulders and lightly said that I didn't see the problem. You snapped, "Well, now you know how I feel about it" and stormed out. Well, now you get to know how I feel about it: I didn't simply pour you a cup of coffee. I hauled my ass out of bed at 4 a.m. to open the shop, I ground your coffee, I brewed your coffee, I packed your coffee, and I do countless other tasks relating to that hot cup you enjoy every morning. I live off my tips every week, saving my paychecks so I can pay for college. And even though I'm strapped for cash, I usually find some change to tip the guys at the coffee shops I frequent. I don't deserve my tips? If a dollar means that much to you, keep it. But don't make a scene, and don't blame me for YOUR arithmetical inadequacies. I should get a tip for just tolerating people like you.
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