[Hey, You!] Recycle, Reuse, Revolting
Thanks for leaving the crumpled toilet-seat cover stuffed over the handicapped bar. I could tell it was used because the center part was torn out, and that’s usually a piece I prefer to tear off myself while I’m pretending to be the Mayor of Shitsville at a ribbon-cutting ceremony. I think it’s great that you’ve taken “going green” to a whole new level, but it’s basically crunchy toilet paper in the shape of a toilet seat. Flush it with the rest of your waste! By the way, I’m leaving some dental floss for you. Don’t mind the little bits of chicken. I’ll just drape the thing over the door handle so it can dry, and then you can just flick off the stuff you don’t want to put in your mouth.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to “Hey, You!” c/o OC Weekly, 1666 N. Main St., Ste. 500, Santa Ana, CA 92701-7417, or e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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