901 I'm a wild pig.
902 Gwen Stefani's wild pinkhair.
903 (Does the carpetmatch the drapes? Heh, heh, heh.)
904 Breakfast at the aptly named Alice's Breakfast in the Park in Huntington Beach's Central Park. 662 Lakeview Dr., Huntington Beach, (714) 848-0690.
905 The restaurant is adjacent to the park lake so you can eat while watching the ducks.
906 It's the little things.
907 Speaking of which, the Garden Grove Recreation Department offers not only the usual kid activities but also calligraphy and a course in etiquette.
909 The Apollo Bookstore offers a hefty selection of used books for kids 2 and up. 1670 Westminster Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7045.
910 Ditto CamelotBooks. 12873 Harbor Blvd., Garden Grove, (714) 539-7550; 18838 Brookhurst St., Fountain Valley, (714) 963-3122.
911 Ditto Whale of a Tale Children's Bookstore. 4199 Campus Dr., Irvine, (949) 854-8288.
912 Ditto Book Baron. 1236 S. Magnolia Ave., Anaheim, (714) 527-7022; www.magbaron.com.
913 Ditto Brindles. 13721 Newport Ave., Tustin, (714) 731-5773.
914 "Homosexuals' only contribution as a group in society is the scourge of the worldwide spread of AIDS. The left-wing liberals and the homosexuals deserve each other." Letter to the Register, Nov. 22, 1995.
915 A spectacularview!
916 Butterscotch lifesaver at Venus. The bartender calls this the latest "shot for chicks": a half-shot of Malibu, a half-shot of butterscotch schnapps and a splash of pineapple juice. 11572 Beach Blvd., Stanton, (714) 898-9933.
918 Former Laguna Niguel City Councilman Eddie Rose's swinger wardrobe.
919 Boom Boom Room strippers. 1401 S. Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-7588.
920 Former 71st Assemblyman Mickey Conroy's middle finger.
921 Free swagfrom local bands.
922 Chris Gaffney and the Cold Hard Facts singing about your loser brother and his kitchen for a farm at the Swallow's Inn.
923 OC finally has an ACLUbranch. 1670 Santa Ana Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 722-7542.
924 Harold Ezell is not living.
925 Here anymore.
926 The three brothers who run Wahoo's Fish Tacos-community-minded Wing, money-minded Mingo and Ed the real-estate wizard. What was it like playing Monopoly in that family?
927 An undeveloped Dana Point Headlands.
928 Edwards Cinemasaren't yet using their 200-plus local screens to show just one movie.
929 Local Building Industry Association lobbyistsget their way only 97 percent of the time.
930 Mushroomday (otherwise known as Thursday) at Nikki's Tandoori Express. Mix it together with your saffron rice and spicy chicken tikka, choke it down and grab all the napkins in sight 'cause, dude, all manner of snot's gonna be shooting out your nose. 3705 S. Bristol, Santa Ana, (714) 850-0595; 2031 E. First St., Santa Ana, (714) 542-2969; 21455 Laguna Hills Mall, Ste. 2360, Laguna Hills, (714) 586-0633.
932 Views near any local water-polo team.
933 We'd been looking all over for a place to get tube ampsrepaired by a member of a seminal LA punk-roots-rock band and we've finally found one: Billy Zoom Music. 760 N. Main St., Orange, (714) 639-2200.
934 Todd Spitzer's hair.
935 Forty-four psychicconsultants listed in the Yellow Pages, but Bob Dornan still thinks he'll win an election again.
936 Any seafood dish at Sage Restaurant. 2531 Eastbluff Dr., Newport Beach, (949) 718-9650.
937 Los Amigos chairman Amin David's dignity.
938 Proof that an Orange Countian can be famous for something other than dark politics, UCI's Aldrich Park is the expression of a former university chancellor's love of exotic flora. Mid-'60s planners figured the park would act as a kind of Prozac for agitated students.
939Upper Newport Bay, where three endangered species can be seen or heard on any given day.
940 Laptime Storytime for kids 18 months to 3 years old at the Huntington Beach Central Library. 7111 Talbert Ave., Huntington Beach, (714) 842-4481. Tues., 10 & 11 a.m.; Sat., 10 a.m.
941 Bilingual Spanish/English Storytimefor 2- to 4-year-olds at the Oak View branch of the Huntington Beach Library. 17251 Oak Lane., Huntington Beach, (714) 375-5068. Fri., 10 a.m.
942Family Storytimeat the Huntington Beach Central Library. Sun., 2 p.m.
943 Family Evening Storytimeat the Huntington Beach Central Library. Second Thursday of each month, 7 p.m.
944 Any male sales clerk at Toes on the Nose surf shop. 903 S. Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 497-3297.
945 OCN's Leslie Leyton.
946 Blowhard Republican Jack Kemp doesn't live here.
947 His brotherdoes.
948 Drinks stifferthan District Attorney Anthony J. Rackaukas at a press conference poured by old guys with shaky hands at Newport Beach bars the Alley and Snug Harbor. The Alley, 4501 W. Coast Hwy., (949) 646-9126; Snug Harbor, 517 30th St., (949) 673-3170.
950 State Insurance Commissioner Chuck Quackenbushrarely visits here.
951 Irvine: an entire city, and no Elvisin sight.
952 La Cave: richly appointed and dimly lit, this noir-ish Costa Mesa restaurant and bar is actually underground! There are no windows and no doors! Okay, fine, there are doors. But rumor has it that the Rat Pack used to hang out here! Who knew the Rat Pack even used to come here? Maybe they mean the Brat Pack. . . . 1695 Irvine Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7944.
953 Barbieposting sexy pictures of herself out partying on www.coolgrrrls.com's "o.c.@nite" page.
954 Watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the best alternative to sitting through a county supervisors' meeting.
955 Buffy has just as many vampires and is just as informative.
956 Newport Beach Central Library, whose reference department is a dream come true for newspaper fact-checkers, copyeditors and-especially-investigative reporters in OC. 1000 Avocado Ave., Newport Beach, (949) 717-3800.
959 No koalas!
960 If the annual, sprawling extravaganza that is the Action Sports Retail convention-surf, skate and snowboard clothing, equipment and accessories-could be placed into an arena-sized accelerator and shot into space at something approaching the speed of light, its density would so increase that, when it returned to earth, it would look approximately like Tilly'sstores.
961 Costa Mesa's new marketing slogan, as hyped on posters at John Wayne Airport: HalfwayBetween the Ducks and the Swallows.
963 No, really, we're not making this up.
964 Las Flores neighborhood. Just off busy Main Street in Santa Ana, this shaded enclave of tree-lined streets and charming, well-kept old homes is easily as cool as the Orange Circle.
965 Empty storefronts in Laguna, where rentwas too high serve as ample opportunity for financial masochists.
966 Stephanie, the angelically patient bartender at Club Mesa. 843 W. 19th St., Costa Mesa, (949) 642-8448.
967 Flynne, the laid-back bartender at the Laguna Beach Brewing Co. 422 S. Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-2739.
968 Lyle, the jocular bartender at the Saloon. 446 S. Pacific Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-5469.
969 Bartenders, Godbless 'em.
970 A black velvetat Mutt Lynch's. Mutt Lynch's is a beer bar, but it has a whole range of snakebites-cider and beer concoctions. Bartender Frank calls the black velvet (pear cider poured atop a Guinness) his favorite. 2300 W. Oceanfront, Newport Beach, (949) 675-1556.
971 Taylor's Mom's Cookies. We once tried an experiment we don't recommend to others: a strict diet of these cookies (baked by Kim Park and her staff) and coffee for 48 hours. We began hallucinating30 hours into the project-or were perhaps halfway to heaven. (949) 642-0147.
972 Green Networking for Orange County's Interfaith Coalition, which brings new meaning to the term "God's green Earth" by uniting local environmentalists and people of faith.
973 No local professional football to spoil Sundays.
974 Staring out at the romantic splendor of Crystal Cove Beach, watching the sun set gently in the west, kissing your lover gently, then turning around and getting your head smacked by reality when you see bulldozerstearing up the hills behind you.
975 And that lover grew up to be . . .
976 Dwight David Eisenhower. And so you know the rest of the story.
977 And that museum grew up to become the fabulousOrange County Museum of Art. Who knew? 850 San Clemente Dr., Newport Beach, (714) 759-1122.
978Laguna Art Museum. Ditto. 307 Cliff Dr., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-6531.
979 But not the Huntington Beach Art Center. That's gone.
980 Dana Parsons' column in the Times OC, which this year departed from standard operating procedure at county dailies and began comforting the afflicted and afflicting the comfortable.
981 Taxpayersdidn't pay all of the Irvine Co.'s costs for the private gated community at Newport Coast.
982Computers are forever changing the face of higher education, whether it's the Internet giving students access to endless sources of research information, electronic applications allowing young people to instantly vie for a postgraduate career, or-say-e-mail allowing an ex-UCI student to send anonymous threats to "hunt down and kill" Asians on campus. Caught and convicted.
983 UCI no longer bears a resemblance to the set of Planet of the Apes.
984 OC Board of Supervisors, on the other hand, bears a striking resemblance to Planet of the Apes.
985 The Reverend Lou Sheldon's swagger.
986 Actually, it's more of a swishiness.
987 Either way, he looks fabulous.
988 LA Times society columnist Ann Conway covering the jewelers who sponsor the Orange County Performing Arts Center, instead of the center itself.
989 Buying $10,000 pens at Mount Blanc in South Coast Plaza, begging the question, "Would you rather have 10 $1,000 pens or one $10,000 pen?" 3333 Bristol, Costa Mesa, (714) 424 5270.
990 The $9 scrambled eggs at Ramos House Café. 31752 Los Rios St., San Juan Capistrano, (949) 443-1342.
991 The speed at which Newport Beach cops backtrack on their testimony when confronted with undeniable contradictory evidence.
992 Little Saigon. All of it.
993 Big hair.
994 The Richard M. Nixon Library and Birthplace gift shop, where you can buy a John F. Kennedy campaign button, or Carter family paper dolls, or a copy of Pat Nixon's autobiography. 18001 Yorba Linda Blvd., Yorba Linda, (714) 993-5075.
995 The toppled David statue at Cal State Fullerton, which had to be turned on his stomach for fear that students would do "inappropriate" things to him.
996 Seems ol' Dave is still fairly vulnerablein that position.
997 Not that there's anything wrongwith that.
998 Just saying.
999 State Senator Steve Peace (D-El Cajon) for tucking this little nugget into the $2 billion parks bond legislation signed on Sept. 21 by Governor Gray Davis: should the Marines ever leave Camp Pendleton, the state wants the feds to leave the sprawling base that abuts Orange County as a park or open space.
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