Guilty Pleasures

1401 At the risk of being accused of blasphemy, I submit that the greatest Mexican food can be found at Las Golandrinas. Favorites include the cheese enchiladas, rice/bean/cheese/ salsa burritos and the savory guacamole. Locations countywide.

1402 Former Reagan speechwriter, now Congressman Dana Rohrabacher will never have his own game show like former Nixon speechwriter Ben Stein.

1403 He does, however, have a Jimmy Kimmel-esque sidekick in Assemblyman Scott Baugh.

1404 Vinyl Solution Records, a great antique store where you can still get "albums," a distant antecedent of the CD. Only old folks over 25 remember them, but a few still have the antiquated machinery to play these fossils. It's called a "turntable," though a few of these older folks will call it a "hi-fi" or "Victrola." 18822 Beach Blvd., Ste. 104, Huntington Beach, (714) 963-1819.

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1405 Perusing rare sci-fi pulp rags and military memoirs at Altair-4 Books. 870 N. Tustin, Orange, (714) 639-5736.

1406 Making the 3-mile Coast Bikeway ride, a particularly enjoyable stretch between Huntington Harbour and Huntington State Beach overlooking that battlegroundof the environmental movement, the Bolsa Chica Ecological Reserve.

1407 Picking up a Times Orange County edition and discovering that an Orange County Register has broken out.

1408 Years ago, the Times went to its "faster format"-its more "graphically pleasing" design-to keep up with the Reg, which is something like three times smaller than the Times in overall circulation but rings the Times' clock in OC proper.

1409 Now the Times has redesigned its Metro page to include a Focus section -a "comprehensive page of news from all 31 Orange County cities"-that appears to be a photocopy of the Reg's well-established County Scan, right down to the reporters' phone numbers following their bylines at the end of the tiny, um, "news" blurbs.

1410 The Children's Art Spaceat the City of Brea Gallery, where kids are allowed to create art related to the current exhibit. 1 Civic Center Circle, Brea, (714) 990-7730.

1411 Wonder if the Brooklyn Museum has something like that-stacks of Virgin portraits here, vat of manure over there?

1412 Seeing new and interesting places due to incomprehensible Caltransdetours.

1413 Gum Grove Parkin Hellmann Ranch: imported eucalyptus trees at the park provide habitat for the native species of owls that may be seen hunting on the soon-to-be-paved Seal Beach ranch.

1414 The nicest eye doctor in the biz, Dr. Jeffrey Brown. Now if I could just find my glasses so I can find his address. . . . Oh, here they are: 1175 Baker St., Costa Mesa, (714) 979-1811.

1415 George the go-go boy at the Boom Boom Room. We love George!

1416 Larry Gottlieb, who taught me that nothing is a murder, except a murder. Rest in peace, my friend.

1417 OC Metro for never forgetting its whole reason for being: to let the majority of Orange Countians eat cake.

1418 This past winter, the mag included "10 Ways to Treat Yourself Special During the Holidays." Among the seasonal stress relievers were a holiday-season jaunt to Palm Desert (No. 1); renting a limo and sipping "something bubblyas you shuttle from boutique to boutique" (No. 6); and buying "a new sleigh," a.k.a. a Mercedes-Benz (No. 10).

1419 Putz.

1420 Spaz.

1421 Best excuse to listen to sports talk radio: the Loose Cannons on AM 690 (9 a.m. to 1 p.m.). Steve Hartman and Bill Werndl bring the usual radio sports jock shtick to the table: abrasiveness and wildly varying opinions for the sake of generating controversy. But they also bring something that is in relatively short supply: an obvious love of sports. Their personalities (Hartman, West Coast; Werndl, Philadelphia) are sharply defined and perfectly at odds with each other, one reason their show is the most consistently listenable one on either Southern California sports talk station.

1422 Worst excuse to listen to sports talk radio: Jim Rome. Is it just us, or is this no-talent, witless schlub's act one of the most boring and inconsequential routines on the radio? He should stick to TV where his wannabe Hollywood chic doesn't make him look like the pizza-stained, beer-guzzling dweeb he sounds like. If nothing else, Rome is certifiable evidence of the Peter Principle -only dicks make it big in this disposable soundbite culture.

1423 Poet Buzzy Enniss leading the crowd at Gypsy Den Café & Reading Room in a rousing sing-along of the theme from Charles in Charge.

1424The most imaginative selection of oversized foodstuffs can be found at Claro's Italian Market. You'll see torrone nougat the size of cinderblocks, 600-pound loaves of provolone and massive wheels of Reggiano parmesan hanging like gongs. And they hoist this stuff up with winches and pulleys. 1095 E. Main St., Tustin, (714) 832-3081.

1425 Bijou Collectibles: No need to drive to LA to find that special Kozik or Coop concert poster. They have an awesome selection right here, as well as everything from Smurfs to Mork and Mindycollectibles. 116 E. Amerige, Fullerton, (714) 680-8799.

1426 The latkesat Kaplan's are a wonder to behold. Three patties about the size of oven mitts are pan-fried into crispy perfection. Cut off a bite-size piece and dab it in the accompanying sour cream or applesauce or-if you're really naughty-a little of both. I'm ready to convert. 3211 Harbor Blvd., Costa Mesa, (714) 557-6611; 720 E. Katella Ave., Orange, (714) 538-7566.

1427 Taking that morning swimin Huntington Beach with Assemblyman Scott Baugh.

1428 Huntington Street TV's masked interviewer El Victor, who reminds us -no matter who his subject-of Jello Biafra's San Francisco mayoral campaign threat: if elected, all downtown businessmen will wear clown suits. Run, El Victor! Run! Time-Warner cable. Thurs., 10:30 p.m.

1429 Mostly, when we're missing New York City, it's the newsstandswe miss, mostly, at which point, we browse three: downtown Laguna Beach on Forest Ave.; West Coast Newsstands, across from UC Irvine; and South Coast Plaza. If you know of others, please let us know: we're missing Manhattan.

1430 Half-price Mondays at Marks Restaurant. 858 S. Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-6711.

1431 Dean Deakyne specializes in whacked-out, souped-up tattoo designs. If you're thinking about something that makes other people respond, "I don't get it," he probably does it. Plus, he can show you pictures of his baby. Sick and Twisted Productions, 318 Old Newport Blvd., Newport Beach, (949) 646-2757.

1432 The endorsement deal rock & roll newcomers Common Sense struck with O'Neill surfwear, circumventing music labels and leapfrogging the Rolling Stone official-sponsor cycle by two decades.

1433 Here's a guilty pleasure we should really feel guilty about: oranges, which had been Orange County's top citrus crop for a century (thus the name Orange County), has lost that vaunted distinction to-gulp!-lemons. Can the Lemon County Fair, Lemon County Performing Arts Center and Toyota of Lemon ("Well, you won't get an orange at Toyota of Lemon") be far behind?

1434 Freeway oranges. We call them naranjas. You can, too: make the "j" sound like "h."

1435 The greasy and delicious onion rings at A's Burgers, 34344 Pacific Coast Hwy., Dana Point, (949) 496-4460.

1436 John Creanand Barbara Venezia's fabulously ridiculous cooking show At Home on the Range, which is filmed in RV magnate Crean's hangar-like garage. They're syndicating it to the BBC! Can you believe that?

1437 Barbara Venezia's mesmerizing, flaming, thick, tremendous hair.

1438 Sunset happy-hour buffetson the San Clemente pier.

1439 But don't count on any service. Also, the search for chairscan out-busy a Nordy's spring clearance sale.

1440 The Bay Arcade. Our favorite ultraviolent video game, House of the Dead-only 25 cents?! Blast zombies, get your picture taken in an ancient photo booth and play skeeball until you fall over. It's on Balboa Peninsula and, really, if we have to tell you that, you don't live here.

1441 "I am only 15 years old, yet I am appalled that Clinton got even a single vote." Letter to the Register, June 1, 1994.

1442 The Artists Village, Santa Ana-where the Santora Building and the Grand Central Arts Complex rub shoulders. Alternative Repertory Theater, the Empire Theatre and the Hunger Artists are all nearby. Add the art galleries (such as they are), the Gypsy Den Cafe and the increased visibility of bodies walking the streets, and it makes for Orange County's first genuine theater district.

1443 Never at a loss to find an Old Navy.

1444 Just too much fun saying "Cox Report" three times fast.

1445-1565 Each of the 121 El Toro Airport Watcheswritten by OC Weekly contributing editor Anthony Pignataro, which have helped shape the debate about building another airport.

1566 Hey, Pignataro. Whattaya doing at my computer?

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