Go Dump Yourself

Matt Bors

I was the dump-truck driver in Laguna, hauling mud and debris from the canyon during the recent rains. You were the yuppie fuck in the BMW X5 who obviously had someplace to go. As you weaved your way through bumper-to-bumper traffic, you changed lanes more times in five blocks than I change underwear in a month. You got trapped behind a turning car. As I approached, you made a move as if you were contemplating jumping into my lane as I had a head of steam. My air horns were the only thing that stopped you from jumping in front of 40 tons of truckin' mud. As we made our way to the next light, you rolled your window down and yelled, "You are the problem!" Sorry, dude, just trying to help hundreds of residents clear mud and make the streets passable for more yuppie fucks like you. Next time you think about jumping in front of a loaded truck, consider the consequences. You were clearly in a hurry to get in an accident. Honk!

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